So anyway, so this hallucination has been there from beginningless rebirth. I mean, always there, but never recognized.

And also I want to mention this, that because, even you debate, using those words from the philosophical texts in the past, because these conditions didn’t happen, strong imprint from past then the strong guru devotion and receiving blessing, did extensive purification, collecting merit, didn’t happen, so even though you debate those words, you use those words, existing by nature, existing, inherently existent, existing from its own side, even though you use those to debate, but your way of thinking is totally, but what these words meant to your mind, even though you debate many years, without these cause and conditions get together, then even debate, but your way of thinking of those meanings, something else, never touch, there’s no question, even though you’re using the words in debate, even though you’re using those, all these words, but never identified, never thought about these appearances, in your view, view in your mind, the way the object, I, all this, the way it appear, never relate, never connect, in your mind you think something else, because these conditions didn’t happen, so therefore it never clicked [snaps fingers], it never clicked in your mind, never wake up, so it’s like sleeping all the time, never wake up.

So however, to, just to finish this, then.... So the important thing is, that, so whatever logic, even just very simple, the king of the logic, for example, the dependent arising, the I, doesn’t have true existence because it’s dependent, that the I doesn’t have true existence because it’s a dependent arising. That is so powerful, that is so powerful. Just that simply logic, that means a lot. The I doesn’t have true existence because it’s a dependent arising, merely imputed by mind. What is it? It is what is merely imputed by mind. So then, so anyway, so once you have recognized the I on the I or the appearing like that or the I existing from its own side, a real I appearing from there, however, so once you have, so then, Oh, this is what is object to be refuted. So suddenly you become aware, Oh, this is object, what is called object to be refuted, gak-cha. Then, use the logic, it has no true existence, because it is a dependent arising. So however, once you recognize the object to be refuted, which is on the I, “on the I” means merely labeled I. I on the I or the real I in the sense existing from its own side, so this is gak-cha, object to be refuted, so which means, the meaning of that is hallucination, the meaning of that is nonexistent. So when you recognize this is gak-cha, object to be refuted means nonexistent. So then that time it cannot exist. That time it cannot exist, it can’t exist. So you, what is happening is you see, you start to see it’s empty. You start to see empty. That is what it is, you start to see it’s empty, that is what it is. You start to see the false I, I which doesn’t exist, you start to see that, I which doesn’t exist you start to see it doesn’t exist, that’s what is happening, but in experience, in your, then what your mind get experience is you’re losing the I. Losing the, not I, another I losing, not like that, but I, you, I who’s meditating is losing, I who is meditating, remember I mentioned in dharmakaya meditation, how to meditate on the emptiness of the I, so not I something there, losing that. I who’s meditating, so here, I who is meditating, me, I who is meditating, losing. So that comes, in the view of your mind, experience of your mind that’s, so losing the I, losing the, losing you, losing oneself, me, I, losing.

So the Lama Tsongkhapa’s words, [Tibetan] so shik pa, no dissolve, but stopped, anyway. So that time, shik pa. So then what you experience is losing the I, so like that, losing the self, not losing the general I, losing the self, one who’s meditating, losing. So like that, happen. It cannot stay. Once you recognize it’s false, object to be refuted, which means not true, nonexistent, so it cannot stay. It’s, like it has no freedom to stay. So losing the I.
So that time then there’s a great risk, if you don’t know, if you are not aware ahead of time, actual experience when you realize emptiness what’s going to happen, in the experience what’s going to happen, so if one didn’t have idea before, haven’t learned completely the special part of the experience, from the text or from the experienced lamas, gurus, then here, if you didn’t have idea before, then here you don’t know what’s happening to you. So then, unbelievable fear rises. Unbelievable fear rises. The fear, this fear is not the same as, I think, tiger comes, fear rises or some enemy or something. I think different fear. This fear is something, this fear is something very deep, very inside of you, deep fear, very deep fear. Because here, why? Because here the I that you’ve been believing, not only from this morning, from birth, from beginningless rebirth, from beginningless rebirth you have holding onto it, now, today, this minute, you are seeing, losing or, it’s become nonexistent. So you are seeing this, so.... [Pause]

And basically, [pause] that time then also, that time because not being familiar then didn’t know, no idea of the experience in the past, about the experience in the past, so then there’s, you might think, even though you’re starting to see incredible opportunity to realize emptiness and to start and develop the wisdom and to, then which leads to directly perceiving emptiness, then directly ceases the gross defilements and also with bodhicitta then enter Mahayana path, ceases even subtle defilements, able to achieve liberation, enlightenment. Which leads to that. But, so then here, because you’re not familiar with the experience so then the obstacle comes, here, Oh, I’m falling in nihilism. Because you’re losing the I, because you feel losing the I. So then you think, Oh, this may not be right. How can it be possible, how this can be possible? You who is meditating, losing, how can this be possible? So you think emptiness is something else, you think emptiness is something else. So then fear of thinking falling in nihilism. It’s not falling in nihilism at all. When this experience happens, nor there’s no danger to fall in nihilism at all. So no danger at all to fall in nihilism. Why? Because, why, there’s no such thing, I become nonexistent. It’s impossible because there’s always aggregates. Once there is always aggregates, the continuity of consciousness, there’s always continuity of consciousness, even you become enlightened there’s always continuity of the consciousness, so there’s always aggregates. So therefore, impossible that I become nonexistent. The I to become nonexistent, the aggregates has to become nonexistent, so the continuity of consciousness has to become nonexistent, only then I become nonexistent. So that is impossible. So, first, one has to make sure, impossible to fall in nihilism, how to say, that the I become nonexistent. This is what feeling you get, I become nonexistent. I becoming nonexistent, this is the feeling what you get, but it’s not like that. So one should know that impossible that the I become nonexistent, that one must know before. Why? Because there’s always continuity of consciousness. I can never become nonexistent. So that’s so essential, very, very important. So then you can protect yourself, you can guide yourself. Otherwise, you are lost, and, otherwise, so this thought, falling in nihilism, Oh, I’m falling in nihilism, so this becomes a h-u-u-ge obstacle, so there’s another word, h-u-u-ge. So this, yeah, great obstacle to realize emptiness.

So then, so what should happen is, one must, like crossing the river, one must go through the fear, must, to rise fear is, when the fear comes that’s the best sign. That means your meditation on emptiness is working. It’s working. It’s working and it’s hurting, it’s destroying to the enemy, the ignorance, by, the object of ignorance receives harm, when the fear comes, receives harm, it harms the ignorance. So as it’s mentioned in the Madhyamaka, the lower intelligent bodhisattvas, the lower intelligent, maybe less merit, they get so much fear, unbelievable fear, and then the higher intelligent bodhisattvas, those who has, I guess, much merit, when they realize emptiness, hairs from the pores stand up, even the tears come, incredible joy. So it’s dependent on the individual person’s experience. So, I think, might be amount of merit.

So however, one must, so important point here is, like crossing a river, one must go through the fear. Let the I to be totally, so, in your view, losing the I, so let it to be totally lost. Then, only then you’re able to realize that can be done, only then you’re able to realize emptiness. Otherwise, you just start to see empty but not completely, get some idea. So you must let it to be totally lost. There’s no danger. In this way it only leads to the Middle Way, it only leads to, this way it only leads to, instead of falling in nihilism it only leads to the realization of conventional truth, the I exists, exists in mere name. So here the key point is, must let the I to be totally, let it to be lost. That’s the extremely important point, extremely essential. So that’s extremely essential.

So, then after, so why this, why you get this experience, losing the I, of course in reality there’s no I becoming nonexistent. This is what one might think at that time, by not knowing the experience of the I becoming nonexistent, that you become nonexistent. However, losing the I. So why this experience is happening it’s explained by Jamyang Keutsang, this, the four analyses, the one, I translated from this, this great lama, bodhisattva, Keutsang Jamyang Monlam, ______ Mahamudra, from there translated. So this teaching, his teaching on Mahamudra is very experiential, so very effective. So he explained that why this experience is happening is because, losing the I, this I become nonexistent, you feel like that is because the hallucination of the gak-cha, the true existence, true existence on the I, on the I, on the I is merely labeled I, true existence which is projected, he didn’t say “projected,” but anyway, true existence, gak-cha, object on the labeled I, merely labeled I, so that one, you’re realizing that one is totally nonexistent. What is the extra thing, the extra additional thing on the merely labeled I, which is projected, so this one you’re realizing, totally nonexistent. That’s what Keutsang Jamyang Monlam said, why you get this feeling I become nonexistent or losing, become nonexistent, self, yourself become nonexistent, losing the I.

So, I think one thing might be, why this experience is happening might be like this, that for us, who, that for common, us sentient beings that anything that exists, according to our perception, it is truly existent. Anything that exists, truly existent. There’s no other phenomena exist but not truly existent, according to our perception and our belief. Anything exists it is truly existent, existing from its own side. So it has, it’s like, kind of like it has to be that. In our view or belief, anything exists has to be truly existent. We can’t see phenomena separately from that. Do not see, maybe do no see separately from that, true existence. Always with truly existent appearance. Always. Everything, whatever appears appears in that way. So anyway, so could be, so also due to habituation in that. This is my guess.

So after one has realized emptiness then one, after one has reached that point, realized emptiness, that the I is, after letting the I totally lost or, in your view totally nonexistent or something like that, then every day one has to do meditation, then come to that point, then one try to establish one-pointedness concentration, try to last the concentration on that longer and longer, longer. So then it’s what is called seeking meditation from the right view. So then you establish shi-nä.

So this is just, if we’re meditating on emptiness, so once you have this experience then every day must, then in meditation sessions mustn’t lose this experience, come back to that same point. So also develop and establish the object of concentration on that.
So since we’re meditating on emptiness it’s good to come to know the dangers, ahead of time to have some idea, so then that, if you have some idea before then that becomes a guide during that time, then you know what to do, how to go about. Otherwise, you start to have some experience then you will escape from that, get so frightened and then you escape from that, then it will never happen for years, cannot come back to that.

So, I think, [pause] so in the future, if I have a realization of emptiness, then I hope I can tell you more. So now can’t tell anything. So maybe in the future, more. Maybe after some lifetimes. So....

Dag gi ji nye sag pai....

[Short mandala]