These are my heart messages: he is following what makes him most happy, and he is now living with his new partner, not with you. In exactly the same way, you think your happiness comes from being with him and not with another person.
Now this is a huge question. Whose happiness more important: yours or his? If your happiness is more important than his, where is the logic?
Even the countries that are run by dictators have many explanations, but it does not prove anything, it is not logical. For example, many young people want freedom like the Western-style governments, but some countries want to completely control everyone, so there is no freedom, no happiness or peace for the public and the country.
Your husband will be so unhappy if you control him, and even if the police bring him to live with you, you may be happy but he would be so unhappy he might commit suicide.
This is the reality of life. Now I am sincerely explaining to you, showing you, that all of us—you and me, and your whole family—went through this samsaric suffering numberless times from beginningless rebirths.
Every sentient being, including your partner, has suffered numberless times from beginningless rebirths. We have all had sex; we have been married to each other numberless times, but our mind is gloomy, deep like the infinite sky with no sun and moon and not even starlight. This is due to ignorance, the unknowing mind, the ignorance holding the I and phenomena as truly existent, real from their own side, while the I and everything only exist in mere name, merely labeled by the valid mind. The I and everything exists, but it is like they do not exist—this is extremely subtle.
This brings the hallucination. We have the biggest suffering, but we don’t recognize it. We think the hallucination, the way things appear, is the real one, but the real one is non-existent. This is the cause of the greatest suffering for the numberless sentient beings from beginningless rebirths—the numberless hell beings, animals, pretas (hungry ghosts), human beings, suras and asuras and intermediate state beings.
This suffering is nothing new; it’s not first time. Even when you are with him, what you believe is pleasure is actually suffering, called the suffering of change. The other two types of suffering are the suffering of pain and pervasive compounding suffering. The aggregates, the body and mind, are completely under the control of delusion and karma, so they are pervaded by suffering, and that is why we have pain physically and mentally. We need to become free from suffering completely, so our aggregates will be completely free from delusion and karma forever.
Pervasive compounding suffering means that the aggregates, the body and the mind—which has no form, no color, no shape—are contaminated by the seeds of delusion and karma, and from this arises suffering and the actions, karma. The two other sufferings arise from this again and again. We have been suffering like this from beginningless rebirths.
That’s why we have the incredible profound practices in order to be free forever from hatred, attachment and ignorance. We need to offer every happiness to our enemies, friends and strangers, like our guru, without feeling a sense of loss. We can’t be attached to that [person or phenomena] and use them only for our own comfort, for our own sake.
The mandala offering to the guru contains this practice. There is another beautiful practice in the Six-Session Guru Yoga where we offer our body like a wish-granting jewel to every sentient being, to our enemies, friends, strangers. All our enjoyments are also like wish-granting jewels and we completely offer all the past, present and future merits to every sentient being, so there is nothing to cling to. That causes every sentient being to become fully enlightened, to become a buddha.
There is a quotation from the Fifth Dalai Lama:
By giving up cherishing oneself with the key practice of returning benefit for harm, the door of peace and happiness opens up and we accomplish the two successes—success for oneself and success for others. How good and fortunate it is, opening up all together.
If you cherish only your own happiness and completely renounce [your former partner’s] happiness and all numberless sentient beings’ happiness, then you have to suffer like this again in samsara without end. But if you give your happiness to him; if you cherish him and cherish his happiness, then that will bring so much peace and happiness in the world, beside in your home and his home. It will bring you to full enlightenment and then you will be able to free all beings from the lower realms and also free them from the negative actions, the karma which is the cause of the samsaric sufferings, and bring them to liberation and full enlightenment.
I hope you will consider my heartfelt advice. Thank you so much again.
With much love and prayers