My most dear Jean,
Thank you for your letter. Sorry it took me a long time to answer. I am traveling and I am busy being lazy. I am very sorry it took so long. I have read your letter. If you still have the problems you explain in the letter, it comes out very good for you to see the Tibetan doctor in Madison. I can give you his contact details.
I would suggest all these problems come from negative karma and delusions. The most powerful practice to do is nyung-nä. It takes only two days, so it can fit in your busy life or family life. It can be done at the weekend. It comes out best if you can do eight nyung-näs. You can do them from time to time. It’s good to do the first nyung-nä in a group and learn from somebody who knows how to do nyung-näs.
It is also very good if you can take the initiation of Black Garuda from a geshe or lama near where you live. If it is not possible it can be done by phone.
It is good if you can recite the Vajra Armor mantra a few times a day. It is an extremely powerful mantra, like an atomic bomb, and has unbelievable benefits.
Also, please read the advice I have given on depression on the website. From this advice, please take what you like and think about it.
You have to remember buddha nature. In the emptiness of your heart, remember you have buddha nature. Delusions are not permanent, they are not part of you, they are temporary. You can be free from delusions and negative karma. Like a mirror covered by dust, you can clean it. The more you clean it, the clearer the reflection becomes. Your mind becomes clearer the more the delusions are purified.
A million, trillion, zillion thanks for following my advice by doing tong-len, also Vajrasattva, and the Thirty-Five Buddhas practice. You should continue with tong-len. Each time you do it, you are closer to enlightenment, and the causes of negative karma are purified.
Also, it is very good to see all the good things you have done in your life. Remember your buddha nature, and that you can be free from delusion. See your incredible opportunities, that you have met the Dharma, which makes it possible to achieve enlightenment and find happiness. Negative karma, like the atoms of this earth, can be purified.
Think of the sky of merit you can achieve with bodhicitta. Each time you generate bodhicitta, when you chant the mantra OM MANI PADME HUM even once, you purify negative karma and collect a limitless sky of merits from just one mantra. Imagine how much you collect from reciting 108 mantras.
When you walk to your job, generate bodhicitta from the moment you leave your house, and think “I am going to serve sentient beings.”
It also comes out good to do Samayavajra purification practice. This is good for purifying negative karma accumulated with the guru. It is important when doing the practice to generate strong regret. If you can, do 200,000 or 300,000 recitations of the mantra to purify negative karma accumulated with the guru, not only in this life but also in past lives, during beginningless lives.
With all my love and prayers...