Loneliness and Depression

Loneliness and Depression

Date Posted:
October 2005

A young nun was suffering from depression and loneliness. She was in retreat and all she could do was cry. Even though she knew she had a positive situation and future, still she was very depressed.

I read your fax. I understand. Your depression and feeling miserable about samsara is some kind of understanding of reality. This is positive. But now you have to use that understanding to develop compassion. You must try to do this. Your mind trying to escape this reality is what we all try to do naturally. I suggest you read my book, The Door to Satisfaction. This will help you to focus on the essence of things.

You really don’t need to be depressed. You need to understand the correct way to think about what you are experiencing. [See the Advice Book section on Depression.]

If there is anything else I can do, if I can offer any help any time, please let me know. You should be unbelievably happy. Being a nun will make for a good future. It will be easy to be reborn in a pure land. Living purely according to your vows will make it easy to achieve realizations.

Having the opportunity to serve Geshe-la is also the most powerful purification practice. Serving Geshe-la for one month is like doing Vajrasattva retreat for 1,000 years. Even cleaning Geshe-la’s room one time or offering tea once is more powerful than serving all the buddhas and bodhisattvas in the ten directions. For this reason, serving the virtuous friend is the quickest and easiest way to achieve enlightenment.

You need to do guru devotion meditation every day, for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, or half an hour. You can do this along with six-session guru yoga or with Lama Tsongkhapa guru yoga. Before the guru dissolves into you, practice lam-rim meditation to achieve the whole path to enlightenment. It is good to do this not only when you are in meditation, but also during break time.

Then, you can also think about death and impermanence every day, every hour, every minute. After waking up in the morning and rejoicing that you are still alive, that you still have this precious human body, make the decision that today is the day you are going to die, and think of the suffering of the lower realms, of the beings suffering in hell. Then you can make a strong decision to practice bodhicitta, listen to teachings, study, and especially try to develop bodhicitta.

This is my advice connected with your problem. If you don’t think that death will happen today, then your dissatisfaction, depression, and loneliness will always be there. Please rejoice in the incredible opportunity you have to study Dharma and to be of service to Geshe-la.

When dealing with the experiences of karma, such as depression, the first thing is to see that it is purification. Instead of experiencing the heavy sufferings of the lower realms for eons, those past life heavy karmas are purified by manifesting as very small problems in this life, for example in the form of depression. Compared to the sufferings of the hell realms, even the lightest realm, the first hot hell, this suffering of depression is nothing. Human problems are nothing. Even all the human problems put together are nothing. Experiencing them means you don’t have to experience the suffering of the lower realms, the hell realms. You are so fortunate to be free from that.

Look at that as a great success. This is purification, because not only are you doing other practices, and living as a nun, but you are experiencing the most powerful purification that comes from service to the guru. Instead of feeling down, looking at the situation positively makes you feel happy. It brings you up. That is one very good psychological method. Accepting depression is also good. You can think, “I have created various heavy negative karmas in the past.”

As is mentioned in the sutra by the Buddha on the shortcomings of not practicing the five lay vows or breaking the vows while living according to them, the result of engaging in sexual misconduct is that when the evening comes, one’s mind suddenly becomes unhappy and depressed. That also applies to feeling depressed without any particular reason. Although it is not specifically mentioned in the sutra, the same applies when the mind is unhappy in the morning, on waking up. Also, you might experience that when the mind is very happy, it can change suddenly, like the weather. First there is sunshine and then again it is obscured. Accepting depression in this way always helps. You can think, “Oh, I deserve to experience this because of so many negative karmas committed in the past.”

When the depression comes, make a very strong effort to think, “I’m experiencing this depression on behalf of all sentient beings. I have taken on the depression of all sentient beings, and I am letting them have all my happiness.”

If you are able to think like this, it definitely transforms your mind and brings happiness. You need to put a lot of effort into it at that time. You can’t expect this to happen naturally. You have to make a big effort, because when the mind is unhappy, there is no courage to practice.

Each time you think, “I’m experiencing this unhappiness for all sentient beings,” you collect so much merit and the experience becomes incredible purification. So much negative karma and so many obstacles to achieving realizations and enlightenment are purified. Each time you do this, the depression brings you closer to enlightenment. [See the Advice Book section on Transforming Problems.]

Another thing you can do is read the Wheel of Sharp Weapons from time to time. The essence of this is turning the sharp weapon of karma – which is created by the self-cherishing thought, thinking of oneself – against the ego that initiated this depression, that gave you this. This time you turn it on the ego, cut the ego, and make the ego totally non-existent. This is extremely powerful.

Another suggestion is to analyze the evolution of the depression. A lot of purification is needed to purify the cause of depression. Otherwise, one will continue on with it from life to life. I suggest doing 100,000 Dorje Khadro offering/burning practices. This is a very powerful purification practice that Manjushri gave to Lama Tsongkhapa.

It may also be useful to check what other methods people in the West use to help those dealing with depression. Ask people with lots of experience what different ways there are to help with this kind of depression. It may be good to find that out.