Caring for a Child With Special Needs

Caring for a Child With Special Needs

Date of Advice:
October 2012
Date Posted:
November 2014

A student 's son had a brain injury and special needs, so she had to take care of him completely. Rinpoche gave this advice on how to serve others from the heart, with compassion and loving kindness.

My very dear, most kind, most precious one,
I am very happy to hear how you are caring for your son. I am very, very happy about that and I wanted to write to thank you from my heart. Also on behalf of numberless buddhas and bodhisattvas, thank you for taking care of your child.

Every action that you do, first think, “This is for sentient beings.” Don’t do it with an ordinary motivation or attachment, thinking, “This is for my child.” Here is some advice on how to make taking care of your child worthwhile, since you are doing it. You need to make it worthwhile, so it does not become a cause of negative karma.

If you think “my child” and then take care of the child with attachment, with worldly concern, then it is like working for your own happiness. Having attachment means that you is attached to your own happiness. Then there is danger that it becomes the cause of negative karma, because the motivation is not only attachment to samsara’s happiness, but attachment to this life’s happiness. The motivation is not for other’s happiness, but for your own happiness. If you check and research your motivation, then you can find that, deep down. So that is a negative motivation, and if you have that, then the result is suffering. Of course this has not yet been discovered by scientists in the West or even by common religious people. They have not discovered that yet.

There is holy Dharma and worldly dharma. Only holy Dharma creates the result of happiness; with worldly dharma the result is suffering. An action that is done with a free happy mind, a mind that is not attached to this life’s happiness, so the action done with this mind is virtue and the result is happiness—this life’s happiness, the future life’s happiness, good rebirth and so forth, all the different future life’s happiness.

Even better than that is doing the action without attachment, without attachment to samsaric happiness, having a totally free happy mind of renunciation, realizing that samsara, including samsara happiness, is only in the nature of suffering.

So, you are seeking only ultimate happiness, liberation from the oceans of suffering of samsara and its causes. That is the cause of liberation, forever. Ultimate happiness, liberation, the blissful state of peace, to be free forever from the oceans of samsaric suffering and its causes.

Then even higher than that is having the motivation of compassion to all sentient beings. When you think of other sentient beings, compassion arises, then also bodhicitta—the mind having the motivation to achieve enlightenment oneself in order to free every single sentient being from suffering. That includes every single hell being, hungry ghost, animal, human being, sura, asura and every single intermediate state being, to free them from the oceans of samsaric sufferings.

Any action done with this motivation becomes the cause of enlightenment, to achieve peerless happiness, the omniscient mind. Then every single action is done for every single hell being, hungry ghost, animal, human being, sura, asura and every single intermediate state being, for the numberless beings in each realm.

Therefore, I want to advise you as much as possible to do every action with this motivation. Due to past habits we easily fall down into worldly thought and concern, so as much as possible think that your child is one sentient being among the numberless sentient beings that we have to take responsibility for.

This is the purpose of taking human rebirth. For me, this is the purpose of my life, taking responsibility for every single sentient being, to free every single hell being, hungry ghost, animal, human being, sura, asura and every single intermediate state being from the oceans of samsaric suffering. To free them from the oceans of samsara and its causes and to bring them to peerless happiness, full enlightenment.

Have this motivation, thinking “However I can, to cause happiness to other sentient beings.” Even if you can’t think to bring them to enlightenment, then just think to cause happiness.

This thought is very important in Mahayana Buddhism, especially in Tibetan Buddhism. Whatever practice we begin is always dedicated for mother sentient beings, it is done for the happiness of mother sentient beings. We can do the same thing in regards to every action we do in our life—in business, at work, and while sleeping, eating or going to the toilet.

So here, you are working for the family, taking care of your child, who is one of the numberless sentient beings.

It is mentioned in the Wheel of Sharp Weapons:

Put all the blame to one thing, the self-cherishing thought
From others, one gets only benefit, happiness.

Usually we worldly people put all the blame on to others and we think that we have done nothing wrong. Even if we have done something wrong, we try to say that it’s not wrong. However, it is actually only from others that we receive benefit and happiness.

Every past, present and future happiness, everything comes from other sentient beings, whether friend, enemy or stranger. From your enemy you get the realization of patience, you perfect the practice of patience toward the person who harms you, who is angry with you. This is how you develop patience. If you don’t practice patience toward the one who is angry with you, who harms you, then there can be no enlightenment. So it is the enemy who gives you enlightenment.

When you practice Mahayana Buddhism, you do everything for sentient beings. Think you are always doing every action for sentient beings, at the beginning of every practice, every prayer. This also relates to every action you do in your life., Think you are living your life for sentient beings, so actions such as eating, walking and sleeping are for the happiness of every single sentient being.

When Guru Shakyamuni Buddha was an ordinary being in the hell realm he was pulling a carriage on burning ground. There was someone else also pulling the carriage but he thought it would be better if he pulled it by himself, and let the other person be free. The minute he thought that, instead of the inconceivable suffering for an incredible length of time that he would have to experience in hell, he was immediately born in the realm of the thirty-three worldly gods. This was because of the unbelievable compassion he had generated for that one sentient being.

Asanga meditated in a cave for twelve years and tried to actualize Maitreya Buddha, but nothing happened. After twelve years he came down from his retreat and saw a wounded dog covered in maggots on the road. He felt unbearable compassion, so he cut the flesh from his thigh in order to feed the maggots. He wanted to put them on his flesh but he thought if he picked them up with his fingers he might hurt them, so he decided he must pick each maggot up with his tongue. He closed his eyes and stuck out his tongue to pick up the maggots.

Suddenly Maitreya Buddha, not the wounded dog, appeared in front of him. Before, his mind was obscured and he only saw a wounded dog, but after generating unbelievable compassion, he purified so much negative karma that he had collected in the past. By generating compassion, it was unbelievable purification, so then he was able to see Maitreya Buddha. Immediately he grabbed Maitreya’s robes and asked why he had not come sooner. He had tried to meditate for twelve years in the cave and why wasn’t Maitreya there?

Maitreya said, “I was there the whole time, but you could not see me. You know the place where you spat in the cave? That’s where I was.” Maitreya showed Asanga the stains of spit on his robe. Maitreya then asked Asanga what he wanted and he said teachings, so Maitreya Buddha took him to the pure land of Tushita. One morning there is equal to fifty human years, so this is where Asanga received teachings on the five divisions of Maitreya’s teachings.

Asanga wrote five commentaries and up to now numberless beings have become enlightened by practicing this. They have achieved full enlightenment, ceasing all the mistakes of mind and completing all the realizations. Numberless beings have actualized bodhicitta from these teachings. Asanga brought peace to numberless beings—including us, who have met Buddhism—and this is still happening. The essential teachings come from this, the lam-rim teachings, the gradual path to enlightenment. So you can see the unbelievable skies of benefits for the sentient beings from Asanga. All of this came because Asanga generated great compassion toward the wounded dog.

In the Vajrayogini lineage stories there was one getsul [novice monk], Tsembulwa, who was a disciple of a great yogi, Ngagpa Chöpawa. His teacher was on his way to perform the tantric conduct, the last practice to be done before achieving enlightenment. He was walking along the road and came to a river he had to cross. On the side of the river bank there was one lady covered in leprous sores. Her skin was totally black and covered in pus and wounds, and she was incredibly dirty. The woman asked the teacher to help carry her across the river, but he didn’t pay attention and just went across the river by himself.

Later, when his disciple, Getsul Tsembulwa, came to the same river she also asked him for help. He generated unbelievable compassion, completely letting go of himself and offering to help her. Even though he was a monk and not supposed to touch a woman, still he took her on his back and carried her without hesitation, with unbearable compassion. When they reached the middle of the river she became Dorje Phagmo [Skt: Vajravarahi], as actually she was not an ordinary lady, she was an enlightened being.

The monk’s negative karma had obscured him from seeing Dorje Phagmo before; instead all he could see was a dirty, leprosy-covered lady. That negative karma was purified by generating compassion and by carrying her across the river. So in the middle of the river it was purified and he saw the deity Dorje Phagmo, who took him in that moment to the pure land of Vajrayogini, Dagpa Khachö, and he became enlightened right there. So actually there are numberless stories like this.

So, if you sincerely serve others as much as possible, then however many hardships you experience; if you serve from your heart with compassion and loving kindness, with bodhicitta, cherishing others, then the more hardships you experience, it becomes the quickest purification, the quickest way to finish obscurations collected from beginningless rebirth and the quickest way to collect extensive merits. It is an unbelievable way, the quickest way, to achieve enlightenment, so you can rejoice all the time day and night.

Thank you very much. I am very sorry my talk has become long, but I want you to understand how to use this situation for your enlightenment. Thank you very much for taking care of your child.

With much love and prayers...