Developing Equilibrium (Audio and Unedited Transcript)

By Lama Thubten Yeshe
Melbourne, Australia, 1975 (Archive #329 014)

An audio recording and unedited transcript of a teaching given by Lama Yeshe at a five-day meditation retreat in Australia in 1975. The edited version of this talk has been published as Chapter Seven in the book Ego, Attachment and Liberation.

Lama Yeshe at Kopan Monastery, Nepal, 1973. Photo: Lynda Millspaugh.

So, when first beginning, even just small beginning, the equilibrium, the equilibrium, feeling experience starting, in your mind; so powerful, that experience.

Even that small experience starting, the real realization, peaceful mind, is start already; realization already. It, realization comes slow, slow, slow, then that develop, then becomes eternal or everlasting. First start slowly, slowly.

So you see, those kind of meditation, checking meditation, we think result is so far away. Perhaps successful, this year I meditate, five days meditation course, meditate, then next year I get peace of mind [Lama laughs]; or next year or…. Do not think, if we think that way, misconception. You can see right now, putting your action into wisdom such way, the reaction result is right now, right there, right there!

Then perhaps you think, “Oh, how?” “Buddhism says karma, what is then? If karma right now, start? First should have effort and cause, then should have karmic result, next. So, therefore impossible, five days meditate, result is one day PAM! Almost one hours meditate, result is sort of hours later! Impossible.” If you think that way, misconception.

Karma, Buddhism talk about karma?karma is minute, minute reaction; minute, minute. Even not, it is not necessary result takes hours. You know how watch is run: the minute, minute he moving, you know. Actually force energy pushing minute, minute and react isn’t it! You know; I think that I don’t need tell you. So the same thing! Same thing, the meditation result is, is right now dear. So effective; effect is right there! I mean, of course, the experience, equilibrium feeling, I mean, you can’t see outside; outside can’t see! Anybody outside, impossible to see that realization, outside, by the sense perception. Impossible. That is not sense perception object. But if it is appears to material level, it is so tremendous! Incredible.

I mean you can see, such short time meditation, and effect is coming minute, changing this thing; so powerful. “If I continuously this meditate such way, my rest life, how should be?” You can visualize, how should be done. It’s so true! “If I acting such right understanding with right effort with right action, then no question to reach everlasting peaceful realization; everlastingly joyful, eternal joyful. First beginning, I hear that word, I can’t believe! I think maybe; I never sure, it is not my experience. But I can see now, of course, I don’t have everlasting experience right now, but through this small, my action, small understanding psychological aspect, the nature, and such my, mind putting such way, and such experience is coming, this one.” This is true, this is logical: why cannot develop that one? You understand what I mean? This is logical. Perfectly can develop; there no doubtful.

If Lama say to you, sort of pushing, pushing you, “Oh yes, yes, yes, you should have love, you should have love, you should have compassion, you should have compassion.” All day Lama talk about, “You should have, you should have, you should have…you should you, should do,” but no method, you think crazy! How? But method is there, you understand? Just need you use now. It is so simple thing.

And also, having equilibrium feeling thought with all living beings without discriminating, this is not just something you make up. Which is unequal thing, you make up making equal. Not like that?is equal things you realize equal, that’s all! The attachment two department, remember, making the unequal projection, so that you feel, feeling, dislike feeling; too extreme dislike feeling, one part; one part too extreme desire.

Just look at it, we, we all, here, we all, who doesn’t want enjoyment? Everybody here, look at this here, everybody want enjoyment and happy. Who likes suffering, who is? Who likes, who desires suffering? You see? The both equal. Equally agree we need release the suffering, and attachment, equally agree. So strong equal.

And we agreed, avoid suffering and agitated condition; we want, we equally agree! “So, so ridiculous mind, extreme mind, making inside my mind unbalanced feeling, sort of conflicting, conflicting, conflicting. So silly, it is so not fair. I could not believe now, myself, any more, any more.” True, I mean really.

Some friend say, some friend say, your friend say, “Tomorrow such, such time, come home, we have good time!” And then you go there, you go there, he is not there, you are so angry. “Oh, he cheat me, she cheat me! Cheat me .” So much angry, “I’m never looking at his face.” You going say, “OK, now finished!” So much angry because he cheat me. But he cheat one time. These two department attachment, ego’s conception cheating, such long time—day, night, week, month, year, almost all the life, countless lives cheating! But still trying to be friend.

We just like that. We putting thief is inside room and lock outside. Like that, the real, the inner enemy is, or inner thief, or, is inside. “One time I recognize,” so determinate, “I never let such things continuously keeping. I mean, ridiculous, there no reason to point this keep, going on, on, on, on….

[break in tape]

…times rooted into your nervous system of brain. So, you be carefully checking; it is not the emotional things, you guilty sort of, “Ooh.” I’m not means, my expression is, don’t think that way. It the wisdom, it the wisdom.

If somebody beat you, somebody beat you like that, like that beat you, and you take like that, and then you tell your friend, “You know, somebody; somebody beat me, like that.” “Really? [Lama laughs] Oh, why don’t beat him? You so silly, always somebody beat you, and you never return.” Isn’t it! Normally we do like that you know; so silly.

So, two department, and especially attachment, so much beat up you, day and night, years, months, you beating. You completely ignore. So if really, if we deeper check up, we are so silly. If somebody say you are silly, you freak out isn’t it? [Lama laughs] You don’t like this, “Oh, I’m not silly.” [Lama laughs] You are silly! [Lama laughs] Yeah, somebody say one, you are going to say two, three silly!

So therefore, it is so true, isn’t it, the attachment, the following, following, is running as ego’s wrong projection illusitory world is so silly; completely. That worst silly than one is running after some another man or woman. Nothing!

So, biggest cheater, cheater is inside, not outside. Therefore, if we normally say, you cheat yourself, no one cheat you! You see this experience, the expression, we often say, isn’t it, I’m sure! Australia do they say like that? Do they? No, not so much. Not so much Dharma words! I’m joking. Do they say? Sometimes they say! Say? Yeah. “No one cheat you, you cheat yourself”?do they say? Yeah, that’s right, that’s so true. [Lama laughs] That’s so true! But if you interpret psychologically deeper, that has more taste, it goes so PAM! True.

So you can see, isn’t it? If you have wisdom, even common language, you never thought things, something, somebody says something, PAM! for you, really! Normally you interpret such superficial, you never observe, but when you investigating, internal world, even market people say something, they say, PAM! for you. All becomes wisdom; sort of, all become teaching, rather than making down you, and it becomes negative. Even negative comes for you, wisdom. Because you realize why these things! Why this comes from?

Example, yeah, if the Australia, you people, Australia has everything is perfect, completely perfect, nothing is sort of complaining, then Lama explains to you something, something , “Oh, come on, pooh!” You understand? You going say, “He is so silly, this Lama. We have no problem; what you talk about? You talk about your problem!” [Lama laughs] You understand? “Don’t bring India and Nepal problem here! We don’t have, we don’t have this kind of problem.”

It is so true. You going definitely say. But when I explain, how the your problem, you cannot reject. Lama explain your, what happening, what you have right now, for your life, what happening, explain, you cannot reject. You cannot say, “This is Indian problem, not Australian problem!” [Lama laughs] You can’t say! If you are really straight. Of course, if you just argument, anything you can say…anything. We say, Tibetan, pa sae pu la yon shu je yöd. It means, one who kills his father, you asking him, “Why you kill your father?” He has reason! Isn’t it! ? He can talk about some reason isn’t it! That doesn’t mean he is right! You know what I mean? I think you understand.

So, remember, sometimes, I think we explain, we explain, the samsaric, some enjoyment, we say samsaric god, I think, samsaric god, that doesn’t mean, is not god as religious way thinking in the West, and some realm, some, anyway, some sentient being realm, mind realm, is no, sort of, gross levels suffering. Only mind stay, life situation is totally different than we have. We have this body, this complicated body, sense body. They don’t have such sense body. And their enjoyment only mind enjoyment; there’s no problem to coming to work and getting job and these things, and going supermarket, and cooking and these things; they don’t have, really! So therefore, you are that kind of people, I say you have no, no way Lama can show you, agitated condition, what you have. Impossible! Impossible! Dharma can’t help this, that period. That period impossible to help.

You see, even ego think, our ego think, we have sort of, we have perfect enjoyment; sometimes sort of overestimate, proud we have. It is not true! We don’t have perfect enjoyment. We don’t. So uncontrolled condition, we living; and no freedom.

So therefore, determinate, and not any more bow, taking prostration to attachment. You determinate now: “Since now I recognize I always let go attachment say, and I blindly following attachment say, the projection interpreted by, registered by the ego, and I am going blindly. Although I think I am so intelligent! It is so silly; I am not intelligent. So I never let rule now attachment, since now, and I’m not going take bow attachment mind.” Like sort of, taking, making diplomatic, taking bow, and let go and following is like, one holding with knife and you take bow?I’m not sure that expression?you think it’s going silly. So the same thing….

I mean, you can understand isn’t it? Feeling equilibrium feeling, sort of space becomes your, you become sort of, your space energy becomes universal sort of, open, rather than too narrow; direct energy too narrow rather than…and mentally too, so healthy. Because reach somehow, two extreme, beyond two extreme, all, maybe, is going not, is middle path, middle path, avoid two extreme and going middle path, so, so comfortable. Mind is so comfortable.

You see, this is not just idea. This is experience. Otherwise, we know isn’t it? We have so many idea, we clinging idea, and making partisanship, “I’m this part, I’m this part; I’m this religion, this that; this good, this bad.” So much, so much, because idea holding. The comes from this all idea. One who doesn’t have idea, he don’t know how to these things, but too much idea and then you grasping that idea, clinging, it’s unrealistic. You see, attachment to cling even idea, also, causes problem. Even religious in this earth, many times, one sect sort of, and idea clinging, attachment, fighting another sect’s religion. So silly, completely. Nothing soever to do with peaceful; nothing soever to do true love; nothing so ever to do actually religion. Completely nothing soever to do truth. Totally misconception.

We does, isn’t it? We does. Yeah, somebody come out, somebody come out after the meditation, your friend comes out, “Ah! Five days, I come here and you didn’t there. So, where have you been?” “I went to meditation course”. “Well, what is that?!” [Lama laughs] “Oh, there is some Tibetan, I heard, Tibetan Lama like that?” “Oh yeah?” “Oh, so silly you. You are Australia. That monk comes from Himalaya mountain. You think you can do Himalaya mountain people trip? Anyway, Buddhism is so silly! We have much everything Australia. I’m sure that Lama says give up everything, renounce. [Lama laughs] Really, you want believe that? I don’t believe you!” You know what I mean? They going say to you. So then you inside hurt so much ego, “Owwwww!” “I have so good time!” [Lama laughs] You know what I mean? “And he says that idea is too bad everything. Oh, I’m angry with him!” Something like that; and guilty, or something. So many things, direction happens, according that situation, situation that time. That means you are not right. When he says, all things wrong, the idea, everything, you stay relax; you still watching your own mind. If you can do, so wonderful so wonderful. It’s so realistic, so realistic!

Anyway, therefore, I’m saying is, that you don’t attached even ideas, even what you doing, Buddhism or Lama or what ever; you don’t attachment. Just putting into action, practicing as much possible, that’s all. So wonderful. That’s all. Even when somebody says “I’m other religion,” automatically you have insecure feeling, sort of negative. Not sure…. That is also your insecure feeling. Be glad, somehow, one really, somebody says, “I’m such, such religious,” and one who searching, trying something truth, accept something truth and possibility can develop the mind, someone to do, it is so wonderful! Instead of jealous or insecure feeling, you respect, you respect.

Because one thing is, if somebody says, “I am such different religion If you inside hurt, something insecure feeling, that means you not right, your practicing is not right. OK? That means you don’t recognize the real false (fault?). You only caught with ideas—bad good, bad. Really; you be careful that.

When you are doing really effectively, result brings peaceful realization. Somebody says, “This not good,” something words, how can that can change truth? Impossible! Words means nothing! Of course, one who has so caught with narrow mind, attachment clinging reputation and ideas, so empty words becomes so big. One empty words atom is becomes universal. So much hurting for you. That is comes from all your mind [all that comes from your mind]—completely; all your mind. Reality, words cannot change. By saying words “good, bad”, cannot change reality nature. Impossible!

You know, with attachment motivation making partisanship and try to help, try to help your parents or your friends or any person, I’m sure you know. If you check up deeper, instead of helping, it becomes problem. You check up that. If you check up deeper, many times, anyway, I can say, since we born up to now, many times, we try somebody is, we choose this need help, we helping something, perhaps, you check up, how many times you did help others, and each time you did help is really helping or, is really making worse him, to produce more attachment pollution in his mind? You check up that!

So this kind of thing, result attachment and conflict reaction brings in his mind, disturbing his peace of mind, just like, your helping is sending thief to steal his peaceful mind. You sending thief; robber you sending. That is the more, most worst thief than you sending some thief taking his house furniture; furniture. Your house, somebody, somebody thief your furniture, chairs and these things, that don’t hurt you not too much, isn’t it? Today no furniture, tomorrow is you can buy new one. No problem. [Lama laughs] It is so easy, Australia this kind of things. But one, you sending your the polluted, your attachment two department pollution, the thief sending and you think believing is helping and thief other’s peaceful mind, that to renew, it is so difficult, so difficult. You cannot buy supermarket, peaceful mind [Lama laughs], although you have so much dollar [Lama laughs] Impossible. So what I’m saying is, conclusion I saying is, we really helping each time, you check up. It produces more problem or really helping? You check up that.

Attachment function is so silly. You can see. Even somebody is come tonight, our friend comes tonight, right now, come, he brings delicious cake in this room, he brings, only give to her, isn’t it? He brings this thing to give her. And then she eat and we don’t get anything. [Lama laughs] We going so jealous. We completely freak out, isn’t it? [Lama laughs] So true. Our mind is, that is. That is symbolic our mind. Instead of, “Oh, somebody so kind. All the way bring cake to give her; I wish she enjoy that.” Instead of enjoy, that fantastic, instead of enjoy that, sort of dedicating, rejoice, instead of rejoice, so much jealous, and so ridiculous, completely. Our mind is like that. It means, if you check up that psychology, it means, sort of we, round cake, mind is surround cake, but real means, psychology, ask deepest your inner mind, ask, you really want she happy? “I think, I really want, I’m happy.” If you open, honestly, you are going say, “I really want I’m happy. I don’t really want she is happy, enjoy. I don’t want.”

It is not the intellectual things. So I saying is, do not think that intellectual, “Oh, I never say, my mind.” That, your intellectual mind, never say, but inside, the attachment, deep root, if you give question, you going choose, “I want happy. Cake is only I want. I don’t want her, piece of cake to her.” If really check up, sort of check up, detailed checkup, that is come, conclusion. But superficial you think, “Oh, I never thought like that. What you say, Lama?” [Lama laughs] Superficial, you think, true. I’m sure you think, “Oh, Lama talk about, oh, look at, he is East hungry ghost and he bring Australia…[Lama laughs]…oh, plenty, we have everything…look at. He don’t know supermarket, what going happen. We have plenty cake.” I’m sure you never think.

Anyway, attachment, India people, craving to curry dal with rice and Australia people craving cakes, what difference? Craving is same thing, isn’t it! [Lama laughs] The object different, sublimate to change, isn’t it? Remember, yesterday? The real attachment is not the value of the material, the value is judgment by the attachment, who [which] make value. So silly, attachment nature is.

I mean, everybody has parents; we all have parents. We are come from parents; we all have parents. We all have problem parents. Parents have two children and parents giving one present to one brother; another brother is so much hurt ego. “Why he don’t give me? He discriminating!” [Lama laughs] Same thing two sisters. Same thing, same thing. Mummy gives something to sister; another sister, “Oh, she is so discriminate. She is not so true; she is dishonest.” [Lama laughs] Something like that. We know, we know what. Instead of friend, if you really love your sister, mummy giving something present, “Oh, I’m so happy. I want my sister happy!” So sincerity. No sincerity. So sensitive attachment is so sensitive, something, small thing happened some there, so freak out. That’s all trip, attachment trip.

So, perhaps Lama talk too much about attachment, but we have to know the attachment trip and function, the nature. That knowing knowledge is much more worthwhile and value than all your attachment grasping sense pleasure object. It’s true, and all you learning, those kind of things, for developing attachment. If you familiar, so clean clear, the attachment attitude and trip attachment mind how interpreted things are, familiar, it gives so much pleasure. It brings life so better, so easier. You don’t need something loving kindness, something compassion. You just searching, investigate how is all the faults is come from attachment. That becomes sufficient. Automatically, automatically brings love and compassion, with right action.

If we have, if we recognize attachment force energy, automatically pure thought comes. You don’t need emphasize, “Oh, I want pure thought, I want pure thought!” You don’t approach, “I have pure thought realization kindness.” Not necessary to clinging pure thought, “I don’t have pure thought.” You just understand the attachment motivation, that the pure thought is intuitively coming. When the pure thought comes, life automatically dedicate, into positive. Automatically. You don’t need intellectual, “Oh, I should be good, good!” You don’t need say that.

Because you put your energy into channel of the peaceful. You put, directed into channel of wisdom. So automatically that way goes. You don’t need too much intellect. Just act as much possible and as much possible to realize; that’s enough. You see, we always judging action, we always judging, “Oh, he do this one; oh, this action is bad. He do this; oh, that action is good.” We thinking the action good or bad is sort of fixed. We have picture, image, picture; fixture; good and bad is something fixture. How can you fix that? Impossible It is all comes from the mind.

Remember, remember, we remember? Action attachment, attachment, even religious trip does, it is not positive for you. But looks outside, people see, “Oh, he is so good.” You know what I mean, you know? I’m sure you understand. So real action judgment becomes good or bad is not the fixture, as you say: “Oh, this should be bad. Oh, this should be good.” There not fixed. Fixed, who fixed? Fixed is through your motivation. The motivation, if the motivation is not involved in self-attachment, only oneself, more concerned others, it becomes pure. If the concerned too much attachment, it becomes impure, because impure, the mind giving the energy sending and manifested from that, so becomes negative. And the pure thought and from the pure thought manifested, and becomes positive.

Even Lord Buddha, even Lord Buddha, one time, one time when he was bodhisattva, his life is sort of celibacy life, isolated and meditate, he stay, and one time he saw one girl is sort of much desire, much desire, having much desire, uncontrolled desire, physical desire, almost destroying herself. Lord Buddha, so much true compassion, true compassion, and he, even his celibacy life is he give up, with much compassion. He stay, spend with that girl house twelve years. Lord Buddha himself says, so wonderful, that is so powerful to destroy ego. He passed so much sort of higher realization, he gaining through this experience. We think, consider, “Oh that,” sort of small mind, we consider “That is negative.” It not the negative, action itself; it comes from the mind, which is directions coming. Lord Buddha himself says, so much helpful that.

So you can see, isn’t it? You can see. We are not, of course, we are not. We always think, “I want,” instead of you want give and help others. That’s why wrong, all the action. But if we have such pure thought, you can’t judge that action is totally fixture, sort of, negative, that is totally positive. You never can judge. It comes from your own positive mind and negative mind, only can judge.

For all mother sentient beings, such pure thought he actualizing, he reach perfect enlightenment. “Same thing, this is really, no doubtful, this is my path of enlightenment too. So as much possible, I actualize.” It is so simple; no obstacle; so clear. No doubtful, that is my, sort of, philosophically, “Oh, I trouble.” There nothing trouble. “Maybe trouble for culture.” That not true, isn’t it? You know. That is nothing to do with culture, as we think. In this earth, if you think maybe culture, culture. What is culture? The attachment, or possession, or…ego’s projection is, that is perhaps the culture. Otherwise, what is culture? What is culture?

You understand? Try to release attachment, concerned, concerning other sentient beings. That is not Tibetan culture?at all. That is nobody’s culture. As far we consider culture, it’s built up with sense pleasure attachment. That nothing soever to do with Dharma wisdom knowledge. So therefore, Dharma wisdom knowledge is nobody’s culture. Is only wisdom culture; universal wisdom culture, that’s all.

So that, if you have that kind of feeling, in Tibetan called, dag-shen nyäm-ba, means equal. Dag means myself, and shen means others, equally, equal. But you have to know, do not [means radical] rational, want radically to change, order to become equal. That’s wrong conception. Just only fix in mind. So worthwhile.

And also, Tibetan called, dag-shen nyäm-che. Nyäm means like that [above], che means countless lives, the attachment build up, such polluted and hallucination object “I” and trying to make so important. But now recognize that is false conception, false action. Instead of putting oneself, that attachment position to putting, attitude to others, more concern other living being enjoyment or pleasure, rather than for ego pleasure.

So perhaps tonight, short time, maybe short time meditate, before you go sleep. Before you go sleep, you go your bed, before you go sleep you meditate. You go your bed, but you short time you sit down and meditate. Just short time! Changing oneself attachment, conception “I,” to others.

So, if you have this kind of wisdom, even, even problem coming, when the problem come, instead of problem completely rule you, mash, instead of mash you, that problem is sort of wake up you. It becomes wisdom. It becomes, sort of, that cause, reaction becomes wisdom, and more strength energy to path of enlightenment.

So, you have no more fear. If you have this kind of practicing, all the fear and insecure feeling comes from attachment, OK. Now, you must get answer that is. All the fear is, why come fear? Why I have this kind of fear? Comes from attachment. Concerning too much self, with hallucination projected by the ego concept.

So I think that’s enough. I think half past eight already. Yeah, thank you, OK.

So you can see, from beginning meditation course up to now, how beginning, beginning this meditation course, your meditation. Beginning, breath exercise, up to now, how they coming, helping each other. You can see now, isn’t it? Rather than conflicting, each meditation, conflicting each, another concept and meditation, it’s helping.

Mmm, Hmm. So tonight, you not going have dinner [Lama laughs] Not for you, actually, for attachment mind, not going to have dinner. One time in Tibet, one Lama has very good experience We sitting, monk sitting like that, we sitting degree I think you know, sitting like that [in lines, food comes down gradually]. When serving, when serving, they serve, first go here, you know what I mean, sitting like that, first serving here, then degree, degree coming up. Then one monk thought, they serving, putting too much, up there; I think I can’t get. When it comes my place, it’s going finished.” [Lama laughs] He so much worry about. [Lama laughs] Suddenly he check up, meditate how the attachment is so powerful, making so fantasy, fantasy. Nothing soever to do with reality. Then his plate, he put his plate upside down. When the people come serving for him, he turn, “Thank you so much, I don’t want; I have already. The selfish Thubten Yeshe has already has; he has already.” He told him. It means he. He interpreted, ego has already, already, so therefore, he didn’t give this time. So I think expression is, I think difficult to put into English. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, the selfish, the attachment, has yogurt already, he got already yogurt, so he said thank you. They serving yogurt, actually. I’m sure old students, they heard information that. So, so true. Our mind is like that.

OK, anyway. I can make guarantee, and not having one night dinner, that caused, you never going, by that cause, you never going ill; sick or really physical become weak. I can make guarantee. Anyway, actually, my plan tonight, I have very special pill, and made by natural earth, natural earth, with the large psychic energy, and pill. So tonight, I going give you, each people. So, without expectation too much psychic energy, just take with tea. OK? Thank you, thank you so much, thank you very much, thank you, good night.