Conflicts with Fellow Students

Conflicts with Fellow Students

Date Posted:
December 2006

In a phone conversation with a student, Rinpoche made these comments on how to resolve conflicts with other disciples of one's guru, and gave this advice for clearing past and present grudges, by changing one's own mind.

I have been wanting to tell you this for some time. There may have been something between you and that person before, some time ago, but now I want you to change your view of her, and become harmonious with her. Change your view from your old way of looking at her, and instead look at her with an open heart, seeing her as one of the pores of the guru.

The expression "pore of the guru" refers to the way in which one should regard anyone related to the guru, that is, as an integral part that is indivisible from the guru, to which consequently one should pay the same respect as to the very guru. If you do that, then she will change her way of looking at you. She won’t see you in the old way any more either, and the problem will go away.

Then, in the future, when there are differences of opinion, of course it is OK to present your ideas to her so that she has many ways of looking at things. But do so with an open heart and with love, concern, and a wish to help, without getting upset. Always view her with an open heart, as one of the pores of the guru. Then there won’t be any problems.

It’s the same with people you may be upset with now. Remember they have been very kind to you in the past. They have helped you a lot. Because of them, you have been able to experience and finish up so much of your own negative karma from the past.

Therefore, you should view them as one of the pores, and with an open heart, apologize for any difficulties in the past and thank them for all their kindness to you. This way, when you change your view of others, they can also change.