Rinpoche: What is the meaning of loving oneself? Can you explain it to me? What does it means for people, especially for the Western outside people? What does it mean for you, particularly?

Student: There are a lot of Westerners who meet and practice Dharma but somehow, they do not always have a healthy ego, a sense of self. Somehow, they still have a kind of low self-esteem, which means a kind of self-hatred. Sometimes even after meeting and practicing Dharma for some years, they are not able to see that in themselves and heal that. I think sometimes they also need a psychologist or something else and work with that to bring some more basic happiness, a healthier ego. I also had low self-esteem when I met Dharma but I often tell people that doing my ngondro (preliminary) practices as you gave them and following your advice healed all that. However, many people don't want to do that.

Rinpoche: My question is, to love yourself, does that mean you do everything that your ego wants and desires? Generally, people think like that, but that makes only you happy. Do you see what I mean? Now do you understand? This is what common people think. Just the idea.

Student: Yes, it can be that but I think it can also be just recognizing our negative states of mind and cultivating positive ones, such as gratefulness, love and kindness. There is nothing about liberation and enlightenment in this kind of teaching as I see it, but just basic human psychology and some simple Dharma teaching on how to be a happier person, a happier ego.

Rinpoche: Generally, people’s idea is to follow what the ego wants and to get everything the ego wants, you see, then that leads to the greatest mountain of problems or skies of problems. Now the next one, even thinking about holy Dharma, supporting the self-cherishing thought, then the highest we can achieve is only nirvana, arhatship, and we never enter the Mahayana path. Following the self-cherishing thought is completely the enemy of achieving full enlightenment.

Cherishing others, at least practicing bodhicitta, is the best way to love yourself, otherwise you always create problems for yourself. This my way of thinking.