Caring for the Dying

As to your question, how to help your friend leave, one thing I thought of was Amitayus po-wa, of course. She can visualize this but it may not be easy for her to do that. Then, there’s the part of the lamrim where one lets go of everything (renunciation), bodhicitta, and the practice of the five powers. However, there are five powers for integrating into one’s whole lifetime, and then the five powers to be practiced at the time of death.

The very essence of what she should do, if possible, is to lie down more often in the position in which Buddha passed away into the sorrowless state. This is called the position of a snow lion sleeping. Lying on one’s right side, the right cheek rests on the right hand, and the left hand rests on top of the thigh. That is only if it is possible for her. Normally, too, the ring finger of the right hand is bent and rests on the upper lip. This is to stop the wind of attachment, so as not to die with the thought of attachment. It is due to attachment that one remains caught in samsara.

Dying in this physical position helps one to die with virtuous thoughts. Then, if one can think of how Buddha passed away, that also helps to remember Buddha. I guess how much can be explained about the position and the benefits of the position depends on how much she is able to understand. That helps with the conditions for dying with virtuous thoughts. Now, along with that physical preparation, there are the mental thoughts for dying the correct way—not only the correct way, but the beneficial way. These are thoughts for making even death—the last experience in life—beneficial for others, which is the most critical thing.

Whenever she wakes up, it is good for her to think in this way: “The purpose of my life is not only my own happiness, and not only solving my own problems. The goal of my life is to free others from suffering and to cause all happiness, temporal and ultimate, for others. I’m just one living being. My importance is nothing. How much I suffer or how much happiness I achieve is like nothing. There are numberless other living beings who want happiness, who don’t want suffering, and who need my help. Every one of them is the source of all my past, present, and future happiness. Each of them is the most precious one in my life. How very fortunate I am that I can let go of my self—from which all problems and all undesirable things come—and instead cherish others, experience their death and problems for them, and let them have all temporal and ultimate happiness.”

If she can do this meditation, she should take all beings’ suffering and death onto herself in the form of smoke. She absorbs it through her nose, and destroys the ego. The ego becomes non-existent. It would be extremely good if she can do this meditation.

In any case, each time she wakes up, she should think, “I’m experiencing death on behalf of all sentient beings.” Tell her to try to die with this thought. This way, she is dying for others. Dying with the thought of others is the best way of dying. All the buddhas, bodhisattvas, and holy beings will admire her. It will make them so happy that she is dying with this thought, and this is the best path for her to open the door to all happiness. This way, there is no suffering. There are no difficulties at the time of death. When dying like this, there is no fear, and also no lower rebirth: no hell, animal, or hungry ghost rebirth.

Also, you can tell her to pray from time to time throughout the day, while looking at a picture of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He is the Compassion Buddha, the embodiment of all Buddha’s compassion in human form. Tell her to think that this is his nature, so he loves her. His compassion embraces her all the time. She should think like that.

Tell her also to look at Medicine Buddha’s picture, remembering Medicine Buddha. If she dies with the thought of Medicine Buddha, she will never be reborn in the suffering lower realms. Even just through hearing Medicine Buddha’s name and mantra, she has no need to be afraid of death.

She should pray to His Holiness and Medicine Buddha again and again, many times throughout the day, like this: “From now on, in all my future lives, may I become like them, having perfect, complete wisdom; perfect, complete compassion; and perfect, complete power to offer benefits as vast as the sky for all sentient beings. May I become like this from now on, and in all my future lifetimes.”

This prayer is most important for making her life most beneficial, bringing happiness, and becoming more than a wish-granting jewel for all living beings. That also includes her family. If there is anybody she loves, this is the best way to benefit them.

She should die either with this prayer, with the meditation, “I’m dying on behalf of all living beings,” or with the thought of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She can think of His Holiness the Dalai Lama as always above her, on her crown. If she is able to do that, then from His Holiness’ heart, he sends beams of light through her crown down to her heart. Then there is no hollowness in the channel that the light beams pass through. The door below the heart is closed. Her consciousness is inside, the size of a mustard seed, and in the nature of white light.

Then red beams emit from His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s heart to her consciousness, and the red beams hook her consciousness and bring it to His Holiness’ heart. Then, her consciousness becomes one with His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s. She feels oneness with His Holiness’ holy mind, which has the nature of great bliss, infinite bliss. She should stay there as long as she can. Then, she should do the same meditation again, continually, or from time to time throughout the day.

At the moment when there are signs that death is nearing, like when the out-breath starts to become stronger than the in-breath, she can use this meditation, depending on what she is able to do. At that moment, whatever she can do, she should apply as I have mentioned.

When she thinks that she is dying, tell her to feel great happiness. She should think, “I’m unbelievably lucky to be able to experience my death for others, for the happiness of so many living beings, to free them from suffering. I’m unbelievably lucky to be able to use my death to achieve peerless happiness, full enlightenment, to use it to bring everyone to the highest happiness of full enlightenment.”

Tell her that I have already done prayers for her in front of Buddha’s relics. I made the dedication already and will pray again.

She should have Medicine Buddha’s picture and a very nice photo of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, with a very happy, joyful, blissful expression.

This is for her to do. Other things that you can do for her is to keep this photo of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, which I am sending to you, which was signed by His Holiness himself, near her. The two of you should make a Shakyamuni Buddha tsa-tsa and a tsa-tsa of a stupa, with mantras inside. Make it soon and keep it near her. You can also say Medicine Buddha’s mantra in her ear.

There are other things that can be done by you or by the person who is with her when the signs of nearing death are observed. Besides the out-breath being weaker than the in-breath, other signs are that the nostrils become flat and the eyes may roll and become larger. These are signs that death may come in one hour to an hour and a half.

It may be difficult for her to practice at the time of death, but it will be very helpful for someone who is with her to recite the Dalai Lama’s name or Medicine Buddha’s mantra in her ear. As death approaches, put her body into the snow lion position as I previously described.

Once the breath stops, do not touch her until the heat has gone from her body. It is extremely important that when she is touched, it should first be on the crown of her head. You can pull her hair at the crown, tugging it before the doctors and nurses come and touch her.

After the breathing stops, but before the consciousness leaves the body, place pills made of butter and sand from the Kalachakra mandala on the crown of her head. These pills should be made ahead of time and can also be placed on her crown before the breathing stops.

My most dear, most beloved Mary,
I hope you are well. Among the practices you have been doing for your father, Medicine Buddha seems to be of most benefit. [See the FPMT Shop for this practice booklet.] Generally, for any difficulty, you can do the middle-length or short Medicine Buddha practice, where you visualize the seven Medicine Buddhas above your head or the other person's head and purify the person. You should visualize the Medicine Buddhas on your father's head and recite each Medicine Buddha’s name.

The best thing, to make his life meaningful and for him to have a long life, is to chant the names in his ear. But even if he were to recover, if there was no change in his mind and he continuously created negative karma, he would live his life continuously creating the cause to be reborn in the lower realms. Also, you can chant Maitreya Buddha's mantra so that he can hear it and Medicine Buddha's mantra. Chant or sing them nicely in front of him. It would be good to recite the Heart Sutra or lamrim prayers, to leave a positive imprint on his mind, so that in the near future he can meet and practice Dharma, actualize the path, and achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible. When reciting the Medicine Buddha mantra, think that it will bring him rebirth in a pure land or a perfect human rebirth in which he can meet a perfectly qualified Mahayana guru and Mahayana teachings and quickly achieve enlightenment.

So, please perform Medicine Buddha puja for him. The Gyuto monks can do it for you, or you can ask the people at Land of Medicine Buddha, who perform the practice every morning, or at Nalanda Monastery. Ask them to read his name at the beginning as well as at the end of the practice, so that the people can dedicate it to him while they are doing the practice. Or, you could also arrange for a large puja to be performed at Kopan Monastery, Sera Me Monastery (where they generally perform the practice), or Sera Je Monastery. Having the puja performed at those large monasteries would collect much more merit. Or you can perform the puja with the Sangha at the house in Aptos. My way of performing Medicine Buddha puja would be to include making extensive offerings.

Dedicate all the merits to your father getting well and meeting and actualizing the Dharma, or if it is better, to pass away quickly and be born in a pure land.

With love bigger than the Dharamsala hills and a very small prayer...

It is not appropriate to withhold this important and relevant information from her. Knowing that she only has this very short time to live should help her make what time is left most useful. This is very critical for her.

I would like to sponsor 100,000 tsa-tsas for her. I have already asked for light offerings to be made for her at the Swayambounath stupa in Nepal. Tell her that all these pujas and practices, like the tsa-tsas, are all being done for the purpose of her purification for a good rebirth, and that she should not worry. This is what I am saying to her.

The main thing for her is to practice bodhicitta. Always keep this in mind. Keep repeating: “I am going to die for the benefit of all sentient beings. The practice, the service, that I am doing and have done is for the benefit of sentient beings.”

My very dear Norma,
Thank you very much for your email. Sorry for the long delay in replying.

According to my observations, it is best for you to continue to practice Medicine Buddha puja, as well as making light offerings and reciting the Sanghatasutra, exactly as you have been doing. It is excellent that you already knew what was best to do.

Also, it would be very good for your mother to recite thousand-arm Chenrezig mantra. She could recite two malas of the long mantra each day, if possible. She can visualize nectar coming out from Chenrezig, entering her body and mind and purifying all her sickness, spirit harm, negative karma, and defilements.

She should do this meditation for one mala and then for the other mala she should visualize that she is receiving blessings from Chenrezig, and that all the qualities of Chenrezig’s holy body, holy speech, and holy mind are within her.

I am also making prayers for her and your father.
With much love and prayers...

You should place a picture of Tara so you can die looking at it. Play mantras constantly, until you die. Ask someone to read the Heart Sutra and prayers to you, so you can hear them before you die.

Later, the woman died with her eyes open, facing the image of Tara that Rinpoche had given her. The resident teacher at the FPMT center that she attended told her that the main practice she should do was to keep her mind peaceful. This teacher, a Tibetan geshe, went to visit her the night before she died, and commented that no one would be afraid of dying if they could see her. The woman was calm and upbeat as she said goodbye to people the day before she died. One of the last things she told her daughter was that it was all very clear, and that she felt good.

Dear Norman,
Your father is in need and seeing as you are the only one who can help then it is important that you do what you can to help your father at this time.

It sounds like the kind of help that is expected is more the physical kind and, of course, that is important, but that is not the best way you can help your father. Help him physically, but the most important thing is to help your father’s mind. As much as you can, try to bring your father’s mind into virtue. Each day perform Medicine Buddha puja in his presence, so he can hear your chanting. Also, you can recite other prayers, especially the powerful mantras and Chenrezig mantra.

Your main task is helping your father’s mind to be in a virtuous state, thinking virtuous things, in a positive way, and performing regular pujas for him in his presence so he can hear. This will make your time with your father very meaningful.

The most important thing is for you to get your father to feel renunciation and understand the nature of samsara, especially this life, so he has no clinging.

I hope this is clear for you now.
Love...