In regards to the pain you feel all the time and feeling suicidal, consider yourself the most fortunate person. Think that you are not just suffering for yourself, you are suffering for all sentient beings. That gives sense to your life and then there is no need to think about suicide. Your suffering is your quickest path to enlightenment. It is bashing your ego constantly and you can use it to actualize bodhicitta by thinking that you are having/experiencing the pain for all sentient beings.
When you think you are dying, then wear your robes. Also, if you are feeling suicidal, put your robes on, remember you are a monk.
It comes out very good for you to listen to the Sutra for Pain (called the Vaishala Sutra). This can be downloaded from the FPMT website. You should listen to this as much as possible.
Also, if possible, someone can recite this to you directly eight times.
It would be good if someone is able to recite the long Medicine Buddha mantra so that you can hear it. It is best is if someone can recite one mala a day. For example, when people visit you, they can recite one mala, so you can hear the long Medicine Buddha mantra:
OM NAMO BHAGAVATE BHAISHAJYE / GURU BAIDURYA / PRABHA RAJAYA / TATHAGATAYA / ARHATE SAMYAKSAM BUDDHAYA / TADYATHA / OM BHAISHAJYE BHAISHAJYE MAHA BHAISHAJYE [BHAISHAJYE ]** / RAJA SAMUDGATE SVAHA
OM NAMO BAGAWATAY BEKANDZAY / GURU BAIDURYA / PRABA RADZAYA / TATAGATAYA / ARHATAY SAMYAK SAMBUDDHAYA / TA YA TA / OM BEKANDZAY BEKANDZAY MAHA BEKANDZAY [BEKANDZAY] / RADZA SAMUGATAY SOHA