Disharmony in the Family

My most dear, most kind, most precious wish-fulfilling one,
Please tell your son this:

The correct way to live your life, to practice Dharma, is to practice bodhicitta. This is because you want happiness and don’t want suffering. In that case, for that to happen, first from your side you have to stop giving harm to others with your body, speech and mind. This means to stop doing anything that others do not like or that harms others, because harming others is the cause and the result is that you receive harm back from others.

The result, the accident, is because of harming others in the past, so the accident happened. Anything in our life—happiness or suffering—depends on the negative or positive karma that we created before. Every single thing depends on that.

If you want happiness, first you have to benefit others and cause happiness to others. Then as a result you will receive happiness from others—whether it is temporary happiness or ultimate happiness; freedom from samsara or ultimate happiness, the peerless happiness, buddhahood.

Now bodhicitta—before it was just yourself, how much you have the most unbearable suffering in samsara, your own samsara. Just like that, there are numberless sentient beings—numberless hell beings, numberless hungry ghosts, numberless animals, numberless humans, numberless suras, numberless asuras and numberless intermediate state beings—who have been suffering from beginningless rebirth in samsara, in those realms. They will be suffering again without end, because those who have met the Buddhadharma are few, compared with those who haven’t met the Dharma. There are numberless beings who don’t know about karma and reincarnation—wow, wow, wow.

Therefore the most important thing in the life—every day and night, every hour, every second—is on the basis of stopping harm to others and bringing happiness and benefit to sentient beings, who are numberless in each realm, and then bringing them to the peerless happiness—the total cessation of all the obscurations and completion of all the realizations. You receive all your past happiness, all your present happiness and all your future happiness, including enlightenment, from every sentient being, from everyone—from every single hell being, hungry ghost, animal, human being, sura, asura and intermediate state being.

Sentient beings are your most precious, most kind, most dear, wish-fulfilling ones, even [more precious than] Buddha, Dharma, Sangha, because by relying upon them you become free from the lower realms, free from samsara, free from abiding in lower nirvana and you are able to achieve buddhahood, the peerless happiness. Your buddhahood comes from every sentient being, therefore sentient beings are most unbelievably precious, most unbelievably precious.

Also, they have been your mother numberless times, and they have been kind in four ways from beginningless rebirth. They gave you your body, particularly the human body, which has allowed you to practice Dharma; they protected your life from hundreds of dangers every day; they bore so much hardship every day, and day and night; and the fourth kindness is they gave you education. So from beginningless rebirth every sentient being has been kind to you.

Therefore your best life is not to harm others, but only to benefit them. This is the most happy life, the most meaningful life. That’s what you should pay attention to every day, every hour, every minute. Then even reciting mantras—anything and everything you do—do it with that motivation.

So this advice is for your son and also for yourself.

To help your son, do Medicine Buddha practice if you can, not only reciting the mantra, but you also need to recite the seven Medicine Buddha’s names seven times. There is a small practice, a middle length puja and the most extensive Medicine Buddha puja, composed by the Fifth Dalai Lama. Sometimes if you can, try to do that also. Wow, that would be unbelievable. But mostly you can do the short Medicine Buddha practice (sadhana). This would be very good to practice. It takes care of your son and yourself and all sentient beings.

Thank you very much. You can pray to Medicine Buddha for your son.

Thank you very much. Please live your life with the thought of bodhicitta in everything you do. Attached is my morning motivation [The Method to Transform a Suffering Life into Happiness (Including Enlightenment)] in case you are not doing it already.

With much love and prayers...

You and your husband should both recite:

• Thirteen-wheel chakra: recite this seven times a day for some time.
• Burning Pinnacle mantra: recite this six times. This is to overcome the obstacles.

You should read theArya Sanghata Sutra once.

Zungdu text [a collection of dharani] should be read. You can ask some monks at Kopan Monastery to read and dedicate for you both. Mention that this is my suggestion.

This is my advice for now.

My most dear, most kind, most precious, wish-fulfilling one,
Please pray to Medicine Buddha very strongly and recite the seven names of Medicine Buddha and the mantra every day, making prayers for your parents to give freedom for you to go to Dharamsala and so forth, if you still want to be a translator for the center.

Do this as a daily practice at the moment. You can do the sadhana every day and then sometimes do the middle-length puja, called The Wish-fulfilling Jewel. [Find links to these practices in the FPMT Catalogue.] Make strong prayers to Medicine Buddha that your parents will give you freedom to go to Dharamsala and so forth, to practice Dharma for the benefit of all beings.

The conclusion now is this: you have practices for many years, to make your life most meaningful. The main practice is to meditate on the lamrim and to actualize the path for every single sentient being, which also of course includes your parents.

Please make your life most meaningful with the thought of bodhicitta day and night and in every action you do.

With much love and prayers...

My most dear one,
You should recite the Verses of the Eight Noble Auspicious Ones every morning. Try that for your parents to change their minds and for them to avoid creating negative karma.

Recite the following mantras for success.¹

CHOM DÄN DE / DE ZHIN SHEG PA / DRA CHOM PA / YANG DAG PAR / DZOG PÄI SANG GYÄ / SA DZIN GYÄL PO LA / CHHAG TSHÄL LO

TADYATHA / OM DHARE DHARE / DHARANI BANDHE SVAHA

Recite a minimum of one mala each day, immediately after blessing the speech. For the visualization you can look at a statue or image of the Buddha without distraction, and visualize that beams are emitted, purifying negative karmas and defilements collected since beginningless lifetimes.

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There is also a mantra from the Golden Light Sutra² that you can recite every day if you have time, otherwise just do it from time to time.

Generally you need compassion for your parents. Read the section on the mother’s kindness in Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand and meditate on that. Be humble and kind to your parents, then they can change their minds and they will think Buddhism can be good. Otherwise they won’t like Buddhism and they will interfere.

Read Seven-Point Thought Transformation. Especially read the part about transforming problems into the path to enlightenment. Read that well, not just reading and trying to finish it, but trying to learn from it.

Right now there are the fifteen days of the Buddha performing miracles, when any merit increases 100 millions of times. We simply cannot grasp how much the merit becomes, it is so powerful. Especially now, it is a very good time for you to recite these mantras and the prayer because it is such a powerful time. You must take the opportunity and try to recite it as much as possible during these special days up to the Tibetan fifteenth day.

You should also read this verse from Lama Chöpa carefully and think it over:

LC 103
Should even all the beings of the three realms without exception
Become angry at me, humiliate, criticize, threaten or even kill me,
I seek your blessings not to be agitated, but to complete the perception of patience
That works for their benefit in response to their harm.

That is my advice to you.

With much love and prayers...

Notes

¹ This is the Mantra to Fulfill Wishes. [Return to text.]

² The mantra from the Golden Light Sutra is not publicly available, in accordance with Rinpoche's advice. [Return to text.]

My most dear one,
Thank you for your email, I am sorry for the delay.

You should recite the Sutra of Golden Light to pacify your family member’s anger, in order to change his mind. The recitation is so that he can generate extremely happy thoughts towards the Dharma,  thus when he sees that you are following the Dharma, he will change his mind. 

Read the Sutra of Golden Light and the Diamond Cutter Sutra five times, with that wish. Pray like that, and also for your family to be happy.

Regarding your question on what practices you can do to find a beautiful retreat place, you should pray to the Buddha and also do the extensive Medicine Buddha puja, [The Wish Granting Sovereign], written by the Fifth Dalai Lama. If you do the puja together with other students, not just by yourself, there is more power. If more people come together with the same wish, then there is more power.

You can also recite the mantra called Exalted One Extremely Pacifying All Hatred:

TADYATHA DIRI TISHTA TASKARA BADUSI MACHALA MACHALA SVAHA

Recite some of this mantra, but not much.

It is not a surprise that your family member doesn’t like you helping Buddhism. This is due to his past karma.

With much love and prayers...

My very dear Leah,
I am very sorry for the long delay in replying. I read both your emails and checked.

Recite the prayer, the Mantra Promised by Tara, and mention your son’s name. Read this every day, with the best prayers for him to change immediately and totally rely on the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha; for him to abandon the ten nonvirtues and to practice virtue and the three higher trainings. Also, for him to generate compassion to all sentient beings and bodhicitta, to train the mind in the path and the realizations of the five paths and the tantric stages—the generation and completion stages—and enlightenment.

Also recite the Heart Sutra for him, that is very good. If you can, also read the Arya Sanghata Sutra. Even you don’t finish it in one day, it doesn’t matter, just continue the next day and dedicate this for him.

If possible, if you are able to, sponsor the recitation of the Kangyur. If you can’t afford that, then sponsor the recitation of the Prajnaparamita. There are twelve volumes, three volumes and one volume and then the essence is the Heart Sutra. It’s best if it is recited by the Sangpa Khang-tsen [at Sera Je Monastery, India].  If it’s not possible due to your finances for even the recitation of the Prajnaparamita, then at least have one volume recited.

Make sure you request that it is dedicated for your son, for him to change immediately, to totally rely on the Buddha, Dharma, Sangha; for him to abandon the ten nonvirtues and to practice virtue and the three higher trainings. Also, for him to generate compassion to all sentient beings and bodhicitta, to train the mind in the path and the realizations of the five paths and the tantric stages—generation and completion stages—and enlightenment.

Even though you didn’t stay as a nun, you are taking the Eight Mahayana Precepts again and again, and wanting to do prostrations in Bodhgaya. That is so good, I like that so much. Thank you, this made it worthwhile to live a long life.

When you pray for your son, as above, also add that he will generate compassion to all living beings, stop giving harm and only benefit others up to enlightenment.

With much love and prayers...