Disturbing Experiences in Retreat

My most dear, most precious, most kind, wish-fulfilling one,
Thank you very much for your kind letter and thanks for starting the retreat.

I’m sure you know by now that for many people having suicidal thoughts and hearing voices is often caused by spirit harm. Maybe you have some problems with attachment or some problems related to the poisonous mind—I’m just generally explaining—and that makes the outside spirit connect with you and harm you, then those are the voices that you can hear. But it’s very important not to believe the voices, so you need to check and see whether these things happened or not. You have to check.

If you check and don’t follow the voices, you’ll start to see that they’re not true and the spirit is harming you, for example, by causing paranoia. Through that, it becomes like that, then by believing the spirit you become worse. Then the spirit can control your life and cause your death by suicide, for example, you go outside into the forest and the spirit takes away your life. Once you die, once the spirit controls your life, you become the spirit’s servant. The length of time is according to the karma. So much suffering like this has happened.

So it’s good to check, instead of believing and following the spirit. Checking is very important. Once you recognize that it’s a hallucination and you can see the spirit harm, then it’s easy. That itself is a protection for your life.

So many people in the world die like this, believing in the spirit or thinking that. Instead of recognizing that the spirit is possessing your mind or telling you [what to do], rather than recognizing that it’s spirit possession, you think that it’s what you want, that it’s your own thoughts. So many people die like this.

The first thing you need to do is recite the Vajra Armor mantra, one mala per day, beginning with bodhicitta motivation. I hope you know that achieving temporary happiness, samsaric happiness, is in the nature of suffering, and that’s why it’s temporary. We call it pleasure but it doesn’t last; it changes into the suffering of pain.

There are three types of samsaric suffering. First is the suffering of pain, like the suffering of birth, old age, sickness and death; the suffering of meeting undesirable things and being separated from happiness; and depression, dissatisfaction and all that.

Then there is the suffering of change, which includes all the temporal samsaric pleasures. They are suffering because they’re temporary and they last a very short time. So much is hallucination and it’s just like the flies or moths that see the candle flame, the light. I don’t know how they see it as something beautiful, something wonderful, amazing. It’s so hot but still they want to go inside the flame and they get burnt, completely wrapped in candle wax. This is what happens.

We completely cheat ourselves because of the hallucination, not thinking, not realizing that it has a suffering nature. It’s temporary happiness, but we believe it’s real happiness. Another example is the fisherman who puts a hook through a worm and then drops it into the water, then the fish is caught by the hook. The fish think there is something to eat and they swim toward that, but they are caught and killed.

There are many similar examples, for instance, people who use drugs. Their life gets destroyed completely, besides being of no benefit to the world, to their family or to themselves. They only cause harm and they can’t even do a normal job. [By abusing] drugs or alcohol they destroy their family and the enjoyments, they waste so much money and they can’t even help themselves. It only causes harm, it’s unbelievable. There are many examples where people cheat themselves.

Anyway, not just that, even liberation from the oceans of samsara, everlasting happiness, is not enough. It’s part of the meaning of life, but it’s not the real purpose of our life. The real purpose is to not harm other sentient beings and to benefit even one insect or one person. Then from there, to free the numberless sentient beings from the oceans of samsaric suffering, and not only that, to bring them to enlightenment, buddhahood, by ourselves alone. That’s the purpose of life. That’s the real purpose of life.

Think, “I need to receive enlightenment, therefore I must recite this mantra for purification, for protection, for a healthy life, so that I can benefit others by practicing Dharma. Therefore, I’m going to recite the mantra.”

The basic motivation is to benefit the numberless sentient beings, to free them from the oceans of samsaric suffering and bring them to enlightenment, so that’s the main motivation—to benefit everyone. That involves every sentient being, even the sentient beings in the water that we can’t see with the eyes, but we can only see by machine, and secondly for oneself to achieve enlightenment.

Therefore, to practice Dharma and benefit others you need to be healthy, having a healthy body and a healthy mind, so you should do Vajra Armor, one mala per day, and pray to the deity. That is one thing you can do.

There is one more thing to do, a puja, but I don’t remember if I have this text. I’ll ask one lama who is my guru, and let you know.

Kadampa Geshe Khamlungpa said,

By experiencing this small suffering 
My previous negative karma is purified
And there will be happiness in the future. 
Therefore, rejoice in this present suffering.

So that means it finishes the past heavy negative karma that causes us to be reborn in the lower realms and experience suffering for eons, for a long time. The karma finishes by experiencing a small problem this life.

What happens in the future if we don’t experience these problems now is that we suffer in the lower realms for eons, for such a long time. When we suffer in the lower realms, the heaviest suffering of a human being is great peace compared to the smallest suffering of the hell realms.

The other beneficial thing for you is to recite Vajra Claws practice. Do this three times a day for four days or until things go down or become less. Continue until things go down; it’s very powerful.

In Letter to a Friend, Nagarjuna said:

[86] However much suffering there might be
From being violently stabbed for one day with three hundred sharp spears,
Even the smallest suffering in the hell realms
Has no comparison with that.

[87] Even if you experience unbearable suffering like that
For hundreds of millions of eons,
As long as your nonvirtuous karma has not finished,
Your life won’t be free from suffering.

Therefore, by experiencing this small suffering now, it finishes the past heavy negative karmas which would cause us to be reborn in the lower realms and suffer there for an incredible length of time until that karma finishes. So in the future, instead of being reborn in hell, in the lower realms and experiencing that for eons, for a long time, instead of that, there will be so much happiness.

It’s like the sun. There’s one sun that brings so much happiness to human beings and animals; like that, there will be so much happiness. It’s also possible for us to be happier and happier going toward enlightenment. There’s the possibility of that.

So rejoice and be happy to experience this suffering now, instead of the heavy suffering of the lower realms and the heavy suffering of samsara for so many eons, for a long time. So please do this.

At the end, do this dedication:

“Due to all the past, present and future merits collected by me and all the merits of the three times collected by the numberless buddhas and numberless sentient beings , may bodhicitta, the source of all the happiness and success, including enlightenment, for me and all sentient beings, be generated in the minds and in the hearts of all sentient beings without delay of even a second. And for those who have generated bodhicitta, may it be increased.”

The next dedication is for the world. This was written by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, then I added some extra verses:

“Due to all the past, present and future merits collected by me, all the three-time merits collected by numberless sentient beings and numberless buddhas, in all the world may the wars, fighting, famine, disease, and the heavy things like torture not exist even in name. May all the wars, fighting, famine, disease and the very evil, heavy things like torture in thought and action, be stopped in all the world.

“May all living beings be free from the harm caused by the four elements—earth, water, fire and wind— and may the minds of all living beings have loving kindness. May all virtue and goodness increase in the container and the essence.” (The container is the world and the essence is the living beings.)

“May the oceans of happiness and peace spread everywhere in all directions.”

For example, now there is the COVID19 virus and an even heavier one from Africa. This prayer includes everything, so please pray for the world. [Rinpoche says he added the part about the harm from the elements and disease to His Holiness’s prayer.]

“Due to all the past, present, and future merits collected by me and all the merits of the three times collected by the numberless buddhas and numberless sentient beings, which are completely empty of existing from their own side, may I, who am completely empty of existing from my own side, achieve the state of full enlightenment, which is completely empty of existing from its own side, and lead all sentient beings, who are completely empty of existing from their own side, to that state, which is completely empty of existing from its own side, by myself alone, who am completely empty of existing from my own side.”

And then finish with these two prayers:

May the precious supreme bodhicitta
Not yet born arise.
May that arisen not decline,
But increase more and more.

“Due to all the past, present, and future merits collected by me and all the merits of the three times collected by numberless buddhas and numberless sentient beings, may bodhicitta be generated in the hearts of all the sentient beings of the six realms, and especially in the hearts of everybody in this world, including all the students, benefactors, and volunteers in the FPMT organization. May it be generated in the hearts of all those who rely upon me, all those for whom I have promised to pray, and all those whose names have been given to me. May it be generated in my heart and in the hearts of all my family members, those who are living and those who have died. May the bodhicitta that has already been generated increase.”

Also dedicate for all the sick people in the world and pray for the world.

That’s it. Try this and let me know.

With much love and prayer ...