Death of a Loved One

My most dear, most kind, most precious, wish-fulfilling one,
Yes, I just received the news from Roger that today your mother passed away. But you see, these things are the nature of life in samsara. Since we are not liberated from samsara and we haven’t actualized the path that Buddha taught—the total cessation of suffering and the true path—so after birth we have to die. This is the nature of samsara. You have to understand this.

This is what we have been experiencing from beginningless lifetimes until now. How long this continues depends on whether we are able to actualize the path or not, so now Buddhism becomes unbelievably important to learn and to practice. Like studying in university or college, studying in the monastery alone does not change our mind, it doesn’t develop the mind and we can’t actualize the true path by that alone. We have to subdue the mind; we have to practice.

Of course I did prayers for your mum, the Vajrayogini prayer. If you are sad because now you don’t have a mother, that is attachment, which has to be renounced. Attachment binds us to samsara continuously. It ties us to samsara in this way and has done so from beginningless rebirths. Father, mother, family, husband, wife—there is nothing new. It has been like this from beginningless rebirths and we have suffered so much.

That is not our thing. That is something to be renounced, especially when we take ordination, which means to renounce the householder’s life. So what we should do now is what benefits her.

In my observation, it comes out for you to recite the names of the Thirty-five Buddhas 50,000 times. That can be done with prostrations, if possible. If you can’t do the prostrations, then sit with your palms together and recite the text. Do the practice with prostrations as much as you can, then sit down with your hands together, prostrating like that. Visualize white nectar beams are emitted from the Thirty-five Buddhas and absorbed into your mother, into you and the whole family, purifying you and your family and all sentient beings.

As you know, all sentient beings have been our mother numberless times since beginningless rebirths. They have also been our father and all our family members, and kind since beginningless rebirths. They protected our life and gave us a human body so we can have education. For example, this time you have met the Dharma and you are able to read, write and study. That is unbelievable, most unbelievable.

Our mind becomes Dharma and not only that, renouncing samsara, then our mind becomes compassion, great compassion for every sentient being; then our mind becomes bodhicitta; then our mind becomes the true path, realizing emptiness. Not only that, directly perceiving emptiness, then there is the cessation of the seed of delusion and karma.

When we become free from delusion and karma, then we achieve nirvana, liberation from samsara. That is for oneself. With bodhicitta we can cause all sentient beings to experience that. With the realization of the true path, realizing the wisdom of emptiness, directly perceiving emptiness, that cuts the subtle obscurations; with the power of bodhicitta, purifying the gross and subtle obscurations.

There is so much power, so much merit collected with bodhicitta, then we achieve full enlightenment, and then we are able to free the numberless sentient beings from the oceans of samsaric sufferings, including our mother. Wow!

Visualize purifying beams coming from the Thirty-five Buddhas to purify your mother, your family and all sentient beings. Every day do some [prostrations to the Thirty-five Buddhas], and when you have more time, do more. Don’t squeeze your mind, otherwise you will get lung. Do it in a relaxed way. This is not only to purify your mother, but also to purify all the negativities and defilements collected since beginningless rebirths, so it helps you to have quick realizations of renunciation, bodhicitta and emptiness, and then tantric realizations, and the root of the path, guru devotion. It’s amazing, amazing. It’s very, very good.

Lama Tsongkhapa did so many hundreds of thousands of prostrations to the Thirty-five Buddhas. He did so many, then realizations came like rainfall. It will be the same for you. All the lineage lamas from Lama Tsongkhapa on emphasized this. They themselves practiced like that; they practiced unbelievably, like hundreds or thousands of prostrations every day. I think Lama Atisha did three hundred per day, even when manifesting the aspect of old age.

After your practice, whatever you do, like reciting OM MANI PADME HUM, for example, dedicate for your mother to never be reborn in the lower realms, but to be born in a pure land where she can become enlightened or at least for her to achieve a perfect human rebirth, receive Mahayana teachings, meet a perfectly qualified guru revealing the unmistaken path to enlightenment, and by pleasing most the holy mind of the virtuous friend, achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible. And then the same thing, these prayers can be for your father. These things are very good.

Worrying that your parents might suffer in the lower realms and that they might be reborn in samsara and suffer is worthwhile. But worrying that you don’t have a mother or a father, that is wrong. That has no worth at all. As I mentioned before, all sentient beings have been your mother and father, and so forth, numberless times since beginningless rebirths. This includes every insect, every mosquito, every ant, every snake, every spider, every lobster, every octopus.

One good thing is to request the nuns to do puja and to recite the Thirty-five Buddhas’ names many times during the session, visualizing that nectar beams are emitted from the buddhas, who are all His Holiness the Dalai Lama. White nectar beams are emitted to your mother, purifying all the negative karma and defilements collected since beginningless rebirths and also to your father, because without a father you would not exist. You would not have a human body without him, without depending on his sperm mixed with the mother’s egg. So it’s very good to do that. Then just make some offerings if you can, dedicating for your mother and father and all sentient beings.

Also recite Lama Atisha’s One Hundred Names of Buddha. There is a very elaborate volume, a big text, but not that one. If you can’t find the text in the nunnery library, then I have a text you can print from.

Develop bodhicitta by developing compassion, thinking that they have both been suffering in samsara since beginningless rebirths. So in that way there is a kind of sadness about their suffering. [Feeling sad] that you have no father and mother or are separated from them; that is wrong. By studying Buddhism, you are supposed to know that. It is part of the lamrim. Meeting ends in separation and collecting ends with finishing. There are quite a number of examples showing how that is the nature of samsara. The sadness is not just for your mother, but for all sentient beings. You meet them, then they separate from you or you separate from them, and this has been happening from beginningless rebirths.

Thank you very, very, very much. I hope you are happy studying. You are very, very, very fortunate. You have a most unbelievably fortunate life.

With much love and prayers ...