How to Support Someone Who is Dying

How to Support Someone Who is Dying

Date Posted:
December 2007

Rinpoche gave the following advice to a student who was looking after someone who was dying, and also made some general comments for those caring for the dying.

I think it's good to listen to his story and to help him to look at all situations as positive. This is the best thing for him from the side of thought transformation. That is one point.

Another most valuable thing is to support him in reciting mantras and not just go there to talk to him. You can help him to recite whatever mantras he is familiar with from the past: Vajrasattva, Medicine Buddha, Compassion Buddha, or Guru Shakyamuni Buddha. Even if he can't recite the mantras himself, the person caring for him can recite them to purify and leave imprints. If the mantras are recited nicely, it can inspire the sick person and elevate his or her spirits. It can make the person feel that Buddha is the only refuge, that there is nothing else left in the world that is meaningful, and help to free the mind from problems from attachment, anger, and confusion.

Also, he should listen to tapes of teachings by His Holiness the Dalai Lama or Lama Yeshe. If the person is a Buddhist student, he can listen to tapes of any teacher he has met or with whom he feels a connection. If the person is not particularly Buddhist, he or she can still listen to the teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Lama Yeshe, especially something inspiring on the subject of bodhicitta. This is a very good thing to do.

This can also be done if someone is to have an operation. Before the operation, if possible, the person should listen to His Holiness the Dalai Lama's tapes or chanted mantras. The person will then become unconscious with positive thoughts of devotion to Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. The main point is to try to help the person to have a last thought that is positive or virtuous, then even if the operation doesn't succeed, the person has had the most important protection that saves him or her from the lower realms. If a delusion arises at the end, the person will have to experience the heaviest suffering for inconceivable eons. You can help to save the person from all these unbearable sufferings for an incredible length of time. In this way, there is no regret, and the most important help and guidance for the person is given.

Or, depending on the person, you can sometimes read to him or her or play tapes on guru devotion or the lam-rim. The person can either read the books or someone else can read them aloud, on certain subjects from Dharma texts. Dying with a virtuous thought is more important than being able to help someone's mind to be equanimous, protecting them from attachment and anger.

It is also good to read teachings on the qualities of pure lands, such as Amitabha's pure land. The person will then admire the qualities of pure lands, where there is no suffering and every enjoyment. This is one psychological method that becomes a cause for the person to reincarnate in a pure land rather than having him or her cling to this life and this world. It switches the object of the mind so that the person looks for a pure land and reincarnates there. The person becomes detached from this life and this world. I'm not sure whether the text on pure lands has been translated into English from the Tibetan. There are also sutra texts. You could request the geshe to give teachings on the pure lands. The descriptions of the benefits and qualities of pure lands are very inspiring.

When a patient doesn't like some of the people who are caring for him, it may not be a good idea for them to keep coming to see the person, because the patient will create more negative karma and imprints of anger again and again. Of course, the patient's mind or the mind of the person offering service could change. You have to be aware of the situation. If it is not possible for either side to change, it is better in terms of the process of dying that the patient be cared for by people that the patient is happy to meet. Of course, all this depends on the individual person's karma and it might not be easy, but you should try to do the best thing possible. The main thing is to help the patient to have a peaceful mind. Even if the patient's mind is not virtuous, it should at least be peaceful, particularly without anger, which is more violent and heavy.

Also, one thing that you can explain to the patient is to look in a positive way at the people who are caring for him. He can be encouraged to appreciate them and to think in different ways of their kindness. What to do and what not to do depends on the situation of the patient. There are a variety of methods in dependence upon the different individual person's character or karma.