Lama Zopa Rinpoche's Online Advice Book
Death & Transitions :
Helping a Dying Person
- Helping a Dying Person
- Practices at the Time of Death
Helping a Dying Person
| Caring for the Dying |
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| Rinpoche gave the following advice to a student who was looking after someone who was dying, and also made some general comments for those caring for the dying. | |
I think it's good to listen to his story and to help him to look at all situations as positive. This is the best thing for him from the side of thought transformation. That is one point.
Another most valuable thing is to support him in reciting mantras and not just go there to talk to him. You can help him to recite whatever mantras he is familiar with from the past: Vajrasattva, Medicine Buddha, Compassion Buddha, or Guru Shakyamuni Buddha. Even if he can't recite the mantras himself, the person caring for him can recite them to purify and leave imprints. If the mantras are recited nicely, it can inspire the sick person and elevate his or her spirits. It can make the person feel that Buddha is the only refuge, that there is nothing else left in the world that is meaningful, and help to free the mind from problems from attachment, anger, and confusion.
Also, he should listen to tapes of teachings by His Holiness the Dalai Lama or Lama Yeshe. If the person is a Buddhist student, he can listen to tapes of any teacher he has met or with whom he feels a connection. If the person is not particularly Buddhist, he or she can still listen to the teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Lama Yeshe, especially something inspiring on the subject of bodhicitta. This is a very good thing to do.
This can also be done if someone is to have an operation. Before the operation, if possible, the person should listen to His Holiness the Dalai Lama's tapes or chanted mantras. The person will then become unconscious with positive thoughts of devotion to Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. The main point is to try to help the person to have a last thought that is positive or virtuous, then even if the operation doesn't succeed, the person has had the most important protection that saves him or her from the lower realms. If a delusion arises at the end, the person will have to experience the heaviest suffering for inconceivable eons. You can help to save the person from all these unbearable sufferings for an incredible length of time. In this way, there is no regret, and the most important help and guidance for the person is given.
Or, depending on the person, you can sometimes read to him or her or play tapes on guru devotion or the lam-rim. The person can either read the books or someone else can read them aloud, on certain subjects from Dharma texts. Dying with a virtuous thought is more important than being able to help someone's mind to be equanimous, protecting them from attachment and anger.
It is also good to read teachings on the qualities of pure lands, such as Amitabha's pure land. The person will then admire the qualities of pure lands, where there is no suffering and every enjoyment. This is one psychological method that becomes a cause for the person to reincarnate in a pure land rather than having him or her cling to this life and this world. It switches the object of the mind so that the person looks for a pure land and reincarnates there. The person becomes detached from this life and this world. I'm not sure whether the text on pure lands has been translated into English from the Tibetan. There are also sutra texts. You could request the geshe to give teachings on the pure lands. The descriptions of the benefits and qualities of pure lands are very inspiring.
When a patient doesn't like some of the people who are caring for him, it may not be a good idea for them to keep coming to see the person, because the patient will create more negative karma and imprints of anger again and again. Of course, the patient's mind or the mind of the person offering service could change. You have to be aware of the situation. If it is not possible for either side to change, it is better in terms of the process of dying that the patient be cared for by people that the patient is happy to meet. Of course, all this depends on the individual person's karma and it might not be easy, but you should try to do the best thing possible. The main thing is to help the patient to have a peaceful mind. Even if the patient's mind is not virtuous, it should at least be peaceful, particularly without anger, which is more violent and heavy.
Also, one thing that you can explain to the patient is to look in a positive way at the people who are caring for him. He can be encouraged to appreciate them and to think in different ways of their kindness. What to do and what not to do depends on the situation of the patient. There are a variety of methods in dependence upon the different individual person's character or karma.
| Helping a Dying Grandmother |
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| A monk, whose grandmother was dying, wrote to Rinpoche for advice on what he could do for her. | |
My Dear Mike,
According to my divinations, it would be very good for you to perform Medicine Buddha practice for your grandmother. Visualize the seven Medicine Buddhas above her crown and follow the Medicine Buddha sadhana. Make very strong requests for her quick recovery, for her to immediately receive all the blessings, and for all her negative karma to be purified.
Then, as soon as death happens, pray for her to be reborn in a pure land where she can be enlightened, so that she may meet the Dharma and a perfectly qualified guru, and become enlightened.
You can also make this prayer after you recite each of the Medicine Buddhas’ mantra.
When you chant the last Medicine Buddha’s mantra, then do a strong visualization that nectar beams are emitted and completely purify all her disease, sickness, negative karma, and negative imprints. You can do this visualization again and again.
In one day do this practice five times. If you can’t do it this many times then do it as many times as you can.
Each time you recite the mantra do five malas with a good, strong visualization, especially visualizing the purification. If you can, visualize the seven Medicine Buddhas on the crown of her head, beams of nectar being emitted, purifying her, and you can also think that they purify you and all other sentient beings. You can think like this.
With much love and prayers...
| Helping a Friend Die | |
| Two students had a friend who was dying. Their friend was Buddhist but her daughter was not, and was having a hard time letting go of her mother. The dying woman was moving back and forth between consciousness and unconsciousness, and seemed to be holding on to her daughter as well. The two students asked Rinpoche what they could do to help their friend through this process. | |
As to your question, how to help your friend leave, one thing I thought of was Amitayus po-wa, of course. She can visualize this but it may not be easy for her to do that. Then, there’s the part of the lam-rim where one lets go of everything (renunciation), bodhicitta, and the practice of the five powers. However, there are five powers for integrating into one’s whole lifetime, and then the five powers to be practiced at the time of death.
The very essence of what she should do, if possible, is to lie down more often in the position in which Buddha passed away into the sorrowless state. This is called the position of a snow lion sleeping. Lying on one’s right side, the right cheek rests on the right hand, and the left hand rests on top of the thigh. That is only if it is possible for her. Normally, too, the ring finger of the right hand is bent and rests on the upper lip. This is to stop the wind of attachment, so as not to die with the thought of attachment. It is due to attachment that one remains caught in samsara.
Dying in this physical position helps one to die with virtuous thoughts. Then, if one can think of how Buddha passed away, that also helps to remember Buddha. I guess how much can be explained about the position and the benefits of the position depends on how much she is able to understand. That helps with the conditions for dying with virtuous thoughts. Now, along with that physical preparation, there are the mental thoughts for dying the correct way—not only the correct way, but the beneficial way. These are thoughts for making even death—the last experience in life—beneficial for others, which is the most critical thing.
Whenever she wakes up, it is good for her to think in this way: “The purpose of my life is not only my own happiness, and not only solving my own problems. The goal of my life is to free others from suffering and to cause all happiness, temporal and ultimate, for others. I’m just one living being. My importance is nothing. How much I suffer or how much happiness I achieve is like nothing. There are numberless other living beings who want happiness, who don’t want suffering, and who need my help. Every one of them is the source of all my past, present, and future happiness. Each of them is the most precious one in my life. How very fortunate I am that I can let go of my self—from which all problems and all undesirable things come—and instead cherish others, experience their death and problems for them, and let them have all temporal and ultimate happiness.”
If she can do this meditation, she should take all beings’ suffering and death onto herself in the form of smoke. She absorbs it through her nose, and destroys the ego. The ego becomes non-existent. It would be extremely good if she can do this meditation.
In any case, each time she wakes up, she should think, “I’m experiencing death on behalf of all sentient beings.” Tell her to try to die with this thought. This way, she is dying for others. Dying with the thought of others is the best way of dying. All the buddhas, bodhisattvas, and holy beings will admire her. It will make them so happy that she is dying with this thought, and this is the best path for her to open the door to all happiness. This way, there is no suffering. There are no difficulties at the time of death. When dying like this, there is no fear, and also no lower rebirth: no hell, animal, or hungry ghost rebirth.
Also, you can tell her to pray from time to time throughout the day, while looking at a picture of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He is the Compassion Buddha, the embodiment of all Buddha’s compassion in human form. Tell her to think that this is his nature, so he loves her. His compassion embraces her all the time. She should think like that.
Tell her also to look at Medicine Buddha’s picture, remembering Medicine Buddha. If she dies with the thought of Medicine Buddha, she will never be reborn in the suffering lower realms. Even just through hearing Medicine Buddha’s name and mantra, she has no need to be afraid of death.
She should pray to His Holiness and Medicine Buddha again and again, many times throughout the day, like this: “From now on, in all my future lives, may I become like them, having perfect, complete wisdom; perfect, complete compassion; and perfect, complete power to offer benefits as vast as the sky for all sentient beings. May I become like this from now on, and in all my future lifetimes.”
This prayer is most important for making her life most beneficial, bringing happiness, and becoming more than a wish-granting jewel for all living beings. That also includes her family. If there is anybody she loves, this is the best way to benefit them.
She should die either with this prayer, with the meditation, “I’m dying on behalf of all living beings,” or with the thought of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She can think of His Holiness the Dalai Lama as always above her, on her crown. If she is able to do that, then from His Holiness’ heart, he sends beams of light through her crown down to her heart. Then there is no hollowness in the channel that the light beams pass through. The door below the heart is closed. Her consciousness is inside, the size of a mustard seed, and in the nature of white light.
Then red beams emit from His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s heart to her consciousness, and the red beams hook her consciousness and bring it to His Holiness’ heart. Then, her consciousness becomes one with His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s. She feels oneness with His Holiness’ holy mind, which has the nature of great bliss, infinite bliss. She should stay there as long as she can. Then, she should do the same meditation again, continually, or from time to time throughout the day.
At the moment when there are signs that death is nearing, like when the out-breath starts to become stronger than the in-breath, she can use this meditation, depending on what she is able to do. At that moment, whatever she can do, she should apply as I have mentioned.
When she thinks that she is dying, tell her to feel great happiness. She should think, “I’m unbelievably lucky to be able to experience my death for others, for the happiness of so many living beings, to free them from suffering. I’m unbelievably lucky to be able to use my death to achieve peerless happiness, full enlightenment, to use it to bring everyone to the highest happiness of full enlightenment.”
Tell her that I have already done prayers for her in front of Buddha’s relics. I made the dedication already and will pray again.
She should have Medicine Buddha’s picture and a very nice photo of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, with a very happy, joyful, blissful expression.
This is for her to do. Other things that you can do for her is to keep this photo of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, which I am sending to you, which was signed by His Holiness himself, near her. The two of you should make a Shakyamuni Buddha tsa-tsa and a tsa-tsa of a stupa, with mantras inside. Make it soon and keep it near her. You can also say Medicine Buddha’s mantra in her ear.
There are other things that can be done by you or by the person who is with her when the signs of nearing death are observed. Besides the out-breath being weaker than the in-breath, other signs are that the nostrils become flat and the eyes may roll and become larger. These are signs that death may come in one hour to an hour and a half.
It may be difficult for her to practice at the time of death, but it will be very helpful for someone who is with her to recite the Dalai Lama’s name or Medicine Buddha’s mantra in her ear. As death approaches, put her body into the snow lion position as I previously described.
Once the breath stops, do not touch her until the heat has gone from her body. It is extremely important that when she is touched, it should first be on the crown of her head. You can pull her hair at the crown, tugging it before the doctors and nurses come and touch her.
After the breathing stops, but before the consciousness leaves the body, place pills made of butter and sand from the Kalachakra mandala on the crown of her head. These pills should be made ahead of time and can also be placed on her crown before the breathing stops.
| Dying Father | |
| Rinpoche gave the following advice to a student who was taking care of his dying father. | |
Dear Norman,
Your father is in need and seeing as you are the only one who can help then it is important that you do what you can to help your father at this time.
It sounds like the kind of help that is expected is more the physical kind and, of course, that is important, but that is not the best way you can help your father. Help him physically, but the most important thing is to help your father’s mind. As much as you can, try to bring your father’s mind into virtue. Each day perform Medicine Buddha puja in his presence, so he can hear your chanting. Also, you can recite other prayers, especially the powerful mantras and Chenrezig mantra.
Your main task is helping your father’s mind to be in a virtuous state, thinking virtuous things, in a positive way, and performing regular pujas for him in his presence so he can hear. This will make your time with your father very meaningful.
The most important thing is for you to get your father to feel renunciation and understand the nature of samsara, especially this life, so he has no clinging.
I hope this is clear for you now.
Love...
| Sickness and Death | |
| Rinpoche gave the following advice to a student whose father had died and whose mother had gone into hospital. | |
My very dear Norma,
Thank you very much for your email. Sorry for the long delay in replying.
According to my observations, it is best for you to continue to practice Medicine Buddha puja, as well as making light offerings and reciting the Sanghatasutra, exactly as you have been doing. It is excellent that you already knew what was best to do.
Also, it would be very good for your mother to recite thousand-arm Chenrezig mantra. She could recite two malas of the long mantra each day, if possible. She can visualize nectar coming out from Chenrezig, entering her body and mind and purifying all her sickness, spirit harm, negative karma, and defilements.
She should do this meditation for one mala and then for the other mala she should visualize that she is receiving blessings from Chenrezig, and that all the qualities of Chenrezig’s holy body, holy speech, and holy mind are within her.
I am also making prayers for her and your father.
With much love and prayers...
| Dying of Cancer |
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| Rinpoche gave the following advice to a student whose father had cancer and who was very sick. | |
My most dear, most beloved Mary,
I hope you are well. Among the practices you have been doing for your father, Medicine Buddha seems to be of most benefit. [See the FPMT Shop for this practice booklet.] Generally, for any difficulty, you can do the middle-length or short Medicine Buddha practice, where you visualize the seven Medicine Buddhas above your head or the other person's head and purify the person. You should visualize the Medicine Buddhas on your father's head and recite each Medicine Buddha’s name.
The best thing, to make his life meaningful and for him to have a long life, is to chant the names in his ear. But even if he were to recover, if there was no change in his mind and he continuously created negative karma, he would live his life continuously creating the cause to be reborn in the lower realms. Also, you can chant Maitreya Buddha's mantra so that he can hear it and Medicine Buddha's mantra. Chant or sing them nicely in front of him. It would be good to recite the Heart Sutra or lam-rim prayers, to leave a positive imprint on his mind, so that in the near future he can meet and practice Dharma, actualize the path, and achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible. When reciting the Medicine Buddha mantra, think that it will bring him rebirth in a pure land or a perfect human rebirth in which he can meet a perfectly qualified Mahayana guru and Mahayana teachings and quickly achieve enlightenment.
So, please perform Medicine Buddha puja for him. The Gyuto monks can do it for you, or you can ask the people at Land of Medicine Buddha, who perform the practice every morning, or at Nalanda Monastery. Ask them to read his name at the beginning as well as at the end of the practice, so that the people can dedicate it to him while they are doing the practice. Or, you could also arrange for a large puja to be performed at Kopan Monastery, Sera Me Monastery (where they generally perform the practice), or Sera Je Monastery. Having the puja performed at those large monasteries would collect much more merit. Or you can perform the puja with the Sangha at the house in Aptos. My way of performing Medicine Buddha puja would be to include making extensive offerings.
Dedicate all the merits to your father getting well and meeting and actualizing the Dharma, or if it is better, to pass away quickly and be born in a pure land.
With love bigger than the Dharamsala hills and a very small prayer...
| Mantra Recitation for a Dying Person |
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| A student was concerned about Rinpoche’s advice to chant mantras to a dying person even if it upset them. Rinpoche had advised to do this because of the powerful imprints left on the person’s mind from the mantras. The student was worried that people might take the advice to an extreme and seriously disturb a person during the death experience. She had also heard from other teachers that the most important thing was for a person to die with a happy and peaceful mind, and that one should not chant mantras if it upset them. She asked Rinpoche to clarify this issue for her. | |
One way of thinking about this issue is to not recite mantras to a dying person if it causes the person’s mind to be unhappy, to generate anger, and to be disturbed at the time of death, so that he or she will not be reborn in the lower realms. However, by leaving imprints on the person’s mind, Buddha’s mantras offer the benefit that the person will not be reborn in the lower realms.
Even if a person gets angry from hearing mantras, still, in the long run, they receive benefit, because the mantras leave imprints on the mind and bring them to enlightenment. This comes just through the power of hearing the Buddha’s mantras. Otherwise, although the person who is dying may have a happy mind, if you don’t recite mantras for the person, you have done nothing to cause the person to achieve enlightenment, or to save him or her from the lower realms. Even though the dying person’s mind may be positive, if there is desire in the mind—for example, fear of separation from family and friends—then the person won’t have a peaceful mind when dying.
For a person to have a good rebirth there has to be a positive mind, which means having non-anger, non-attachment, and so forth. Only then will the result be a good rebirth. Even if a person dies with anger, Buddha’s powerful words—mantras, sutras, and especially the tantric method of jangwa—can change the rebirth, because of their power.
You may think that to have a good rebirth, the person has to have a positive mind when dying. But the goal, what you are wishing for, is for the person to achieve enlightenment. This comes from leaving imprints on the person’s mind from the power of Buddha’s mantras, and so on. Even if they are temporarily reborn in the lower realms because they were annoyed by the mantras, for example, nevertheless, because of the imprints left on the mind from the mantras, they will later achieve enlightenment and liberation from samsara.
There is a story about Wusun, who was about to give teachings to 500 monks. They all would have achieved arhatship upon hearing them, but Manjushri arrived before Wusun, and gave them Mahayana teachings first. The 500 monks then developed heretical thoughts toward the Dharma, and were reborn in the lower realms. Wusun went to the Buddha, and said that because Manjushri gave them Mahayana teachings, the 500 monks were reborn in the lower realms. The Buddha answered that this was very good, and that this was an example of Manjushri’s skilful means, because if the 500 monks had just heard teachings on the lesser path from Wusan and achieved arhatship, they would still be there now in the state of arhatship. But because of Manjushri’s skilful means, they had heretical thoughts, and so took rebirth in the lower realms for a shorter time, and then they achieved enlightenment.
This advice was given by Rinpoche to a student whose mother was dying. Although the mother had begun practicing Buddhism, after meeting the Dharma very late in life, she did not have much of a formal practice. Rinpoche went to the hospital to visit her and to bless her. Rinpoche gave the following advice as to what they should do when she was actually dying.
You should place a picture of Tara so you can die looking at it. Play mantras constantly, until you die. Ask someone to read the Heart Sutra and prayers to you, so you can hear them before you die.
Later, the woman died with her eyes open, facing the image of Tara that Rinpoche had given her. The resident teacher at the FPMT center that she attended told her that the main practice she should do was to keep her mind peaceful. This teacher, a Tibetan geshe, went to visit her the night before she died, and commented that no one would be afraid of dying if they could see her. The woman was calm and upbeat as she said goodbye to people the day before she died. One of the last things she told her daughter was that it was all very clear, and that she felt good.
Whether to Tell Someone She Is Dying
A young nun had been diagnosed with advanced cancer. She had exhausted the options for a cure and was nearing death. A number of people were concerned about her state of mind and were reluctant to tell her that she would die soon. When Rinpoche heard of this situation, he passed on the following advice for her and for the people caring for her.
It is not appropriate to withhold this important and relevant information from her. Knowing that she only has this very short time to live should help her make what time is left most useful. This is very critical for her.
I would like to sponsor 100,000 tsa-tsas for her. I have already asked for light offerings to be made for her at the Swayambounath stupa in Nepal. Tell her that all these pujas and practices, like the tsa-tsas, are all being done for the purpose of her purification for a good rebirth, and that she should not worry. This is what I am saying to her.
The main thing for her is to practice bodhicitta. Always keep this in mind. Keep repeating: “I am going to die for the benefit of all sentient beings. The practice, the service, that I am doing and have done is for the benefit of sentient beings.”
More advice by Lama Zopa on this topic:
How to Benefit the Dying and the Dead
See the Advice Book section on Euthanasia.
