The Importance of Practicing Patience

The Importance of Practicing Patience

Date of Advice:
February 2015
Date Posted:
November 2015

Rinpoche wrote this letter to a student about the importance of practicing patience and the good heart in order to bring peace and long-lasting happiness in our relationships. He  advises that even if we can't generate compassion to others, at least we should avoid getting angry. Lightly edited for Mandala online, July 2015. Second edit by Sandra Smith.  

Lama Zopa Rinpoche at Mahayana Buddhist Association (Cham Tse Ling), Hong Kong, April 2016.  Photo: Lobsang Sherab.

It is extremely important to pay attention to patience in everyday life. Not only we who want to practice lam-rim, the graduated path to enlightenment, but even the nonbelievers need to practice patience, so that our relationships with partners, parents, friends and others can last longer. Even nonbelievers, of course, would like happiness and long-lasting relationships in the family. 

If we don’t practice patience and compassion and the good heart, and if we don’t try to control the mind of desire, then our relationships don’t last. We become enemies to each other. Before the other person becomes an enemy to us, we become an enemy to that person. There can be danger like that. 

It’s an incredibly important education and a good quality for human life. Even if we don’t believe in karma or reincarnation, practicing patience is so, so, so important. We don’t learn that in school; we don’t learn that in university. But it’s the most important education, which brings happiness and peace, good and warm relationships, and long-lasting happiness in our relationships. 

For people who are practicing Dharma, lam-rim, there’s  no question that this is even more important, this is the most important practice. 

There are three types of patience [Rinpoche translated this from The Essential Nectar]: 

Even if all the transmigrator beings rise as enemies and scold me exceedingly, by examining this with the analytical mind and above all not getting angry back, but obtaining benefit in return for harm: this is the patience unconcerned with harm.

Poverty of food, clothing, bedding and so forth, experiencing disease and undesirable things, and also experiencing suffering in order to practice Dharma: practicing patience by enjoying that is the patience of voluntarily taking suffering

Generating faith from the heart in the faithful holy objects, the Three Rare Sublime Ones, and so forth: this is the patience of definitely thinking about Dharma

I will attempt to practice the three types of patience from now on. Please grant me blessings to be able to do that. 

If we don’t practice patience and the good heart, and control the mind of desire, the other big shortcoming—bigger than a big mountain—the extremely scary, unbelievably frightening thing is that if we get angry with one bodhisattva for one second then we have to be in hell for one thousand eons. This means we have to suffer the heaviest suffering, which is called “hell suffering” for one thousand eons. This means our merit of having made charity and practiced morality and so forth to sentient beings, having made offerings to Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, gets destroyed for one thousand eons. If it’s not dedicated to achieve enlightenment for sentient beings, then it’s completely destroyed, like burned rice. If the merit is dedicated to achieve enlightenment for sentient beings and we are about to achieve bodhicitta the next day, then it’s put off for one thousand eons if we get angry at a bodhisattva for one second. 

Most people don’t know this, and even if they know they don’t take care or they don’t practice. They don’t think about it in everyday life; they always get angry and depending on who they get angry with, they destroy the merit completely or it is delayed, postponed for many eons. 

We students don’t keep in our mind how incredibly dangerous anger is and how important patience is. It’s so, so, so, so important, most important. Because we always get angry, we do not practice patience and our mind is so distracted, our merits always get destroyed or delayed for many eons. No matter how much we do retreat, practice charity, do this and that, or if we have many life stories, nothing happens to the mind. There’s no progression, no realization, only degeneration. Our mind becomes more and more like a rock or a hot desert where nothing grows, it’s so hot. Even if we have stories of having done so much, there’s no progression toward developing our heart into a good heart. 

kadampa Advice

Kadampa Geshe Chengawa, the follower of Lama Atisha from India, the aryan land of Nalanda, who was invited to Tibet to make Buddhism—sutra and tantra—pure, taught this to the general assembly [Rinpoche translated this from Kadampa Advices]:  

Generally the whole entire Dharma is contained in two: avoiding giving harm to others and benefiting others. In the three baskets of teachings, the small and great vehicle, all is condensed into these two things. Therefore in order to practice these two holy Dharmas, patience is so important. 

Without patience, when people give harm to you, then it becomes harm returned back. When you do that, it doesn’t change from harm. When there is no change from harm, there is no benefit. Therefore to be able lead [a life of] holy Dharma, you need patience. 

There are four methods to meditate on patience: 

1. By putting up the target, we [will be struck by] the arrow

2. In the manner of loving kindness and compassion

3. In the manner of guru-disciple                                                     

4. In the manner of ultimate reality 

1. Meditating on patience in the manner of putting up the target, we receive the arrow 

If we don’t put up the target, the arrow [of harm] cannot strike. The arrow strikes because the mistake, the target, was put there. Like that, having put up the target of our past life karma, then the arrow of harm to this life strikes. Receiving harm from others in this life is due to having collected negative karma in our past life, therefore we cannot get angry with others. 

It is said in Bodhicaryavatara, [ A Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life, Ch. 6, v. 42]

In a former time I did harm toward sentient beings. Therefore I deserve to receive the harm given by sentient beings. 

If we didn’t harm others from our own side like this, no one would harm us. Besides that, even in this life, having done harm to others in the early part of this life, we receive retaliation in the later part of life. Like that, for what happened [harming others] in a previous year [we receive harm] in a later year, or for what happened in a previous month [we receive harm] in a later month, or even for what happened on a previous day [we receive harm] on a later day. 

Even right now, whatever hurtful words we speak, that are unbearable to others, we put up the target of bad conduct and right away we receive the arrow of bad words and so forth. Therefore, everything should be understood as having put up the target ourselves, then we receive the arrow of the harm from others. So it is said, don’t get angry with others. 

2. Meditating on patience in the manner of loving kindness and compassion 

For example, when a person [with serious mental illness] harms others, don’t retaliate back. Don’t react against that person, and don’t retaliate back. Think that the one who is giving harm to you is possessed by the vicious spirit possession of delusion. Meditate on compassion, thinking, “How pitiful he is.”  Even the person possessed by spirits is merely harming our body and life. He doesn’t harm other than that, so it is a small harm. He is like this only for a few years, a few months or a few days, so it is just a short time. 

From beginningless samsara and without end, being under the control of delusion for a long time, that person carelessly engaged in nonvirtue with body, speech and mind, and because of that, generates sufferings of the three evil-gone realms. That is great harm, therefore it is highly serious to have compassion for that person. We must meditate on loving kindness and compassion for the one who gives harm like that. Don’t get angry. 

From Bodhicaryavatara [Ch. 6, v. 37]: 

When people are under the control of delusion, what is called I, that which is most treasured and beloved, they will even kill themselves. At that time they are under the control of anger, so how can they remain without harming the bodies of others? 

Even if they think to live without harming, they have no choice. They are completely controlled by anger, therefore it’s not worth our giving rise to delusion [getting angry]. They engage in the actions of killing and so forth without freedom or independence, thus it is worthwhile for us to generate compassion toward them. 

Even if compassion does not arise, anger is undeserved. At least don’t get angry. Thinking in this way stops anger toward the harm-giver. If compassion doesn’t arise, at least don’t get angry. It’s not worth getting angry with others. 

3. Meditating on patience in the manner of guru-disciple

For example, if there is no abbot granting vows, then there is no ordination; if there is no master expounding the holy Dharma, then there is no way to understand Dharma. Likewise, if there is no enemy giving harm, there is no patience. Should we discover others who insult us and so forth, think that they are the master or guru granting patience, we should realize this. Meditate to be happy about that and repay that kindness. Meditate or take it yourself as a disciple learning patience. So it is said, don’t get angry. 

4. Meditating on patience in the manner of ultimate reality 

Ultimately there is no object for us to harm. Others who are giving harm and harm itself—all the phenomena of harm—their reality is emptiness only [tong-pa-nyi.] To the present I, all these appearances, arguing and so forth, are a fantasy of our hallucinated mind, like a dream, like an illusion, therefore we can’t get angry. 

It is said in Bodhicaryavatara: 

[If things are] empty of [true] existence, what is there to lose or gain, and what is there to like and dislike? Who is there to completely accuse? 

After we wake up from sleep, we realize that the enemy in our dream does not exist from his own side, so we don’t get angry. Like that, even the present enemy does not exist by nature, absolutely. It is like a dream. Don’t feel hatred toward that enemy; meditate on patience. 

Rinpoche's comments: 

Please, especially anyone who has anger normally, you must learn patience. Especially if your mind is habituated with anger, you must plan to use these techniques every day, even in everyday life. It will bring happiness in this life like sun shining, and it will help at the time of death. It will bring happiness at death and even if you die there will be happiness in the future lives—in hundreds, thousands, numberless lives— and it will bring ultimate happiness, liberation from oceans of samsaric suffering, the everlasting happiness. Not only that, but buddhahood, the total cessation of the obscurations and completion of all the realizations. You can achieve that for numberless sentient beings. 

Also, you can help numberless sentient beings by not getting angry back. It helps them to not get angry with you. Since you don’t put up the target, others don’t get angry with you. There is no target, so you don’t receive anger from others at all. Not only that, you are able to bring happiness to sentient beings, temporal happiness including happy rebirth in the future, to meet Dharma.

Also, it helps to liberate all mother sentient beings, to free them from oceans of samsaric suffering forever, and to bring them everlasting happiness. Not only that, you are able to not only free the numberless beings of each realm—hell beings, hungry ghosts, animals, humans, suras, asuras—from oceans of samsaric suffering but you can bring them to the peerless happiness, buddhahood, the total cessation of obscurations and completion of all the realizations.

In a short way, talking about urgent and temporary benefit, you are able to bring world peace. This is the real way [to bring peace.] In the world people have meetings all the time but maybe without much result. Here, by  practicing patience in everyday life, paying attention to karma, being careful with your mind, you are like a person carrying a bowl full of nectar and walking carefully to not spill it. Otherwise it’s as if there is also a person with sword and whenever you spill the nectar, you will be hit with the sword.

Taking care of your mind like that, in a righteous way, you are also taking care of your life. That is always the best way of taking care of your health. When you take care of your mind in a healthy way, you are taking care of your body in a healthy way. Thank you very much.

In the world, people do hundreds or thousands of exercises and every year they sell new ways to exercise, that you can do for physical health. But the most important thing is taking care of the mind. By taking care of the mind, you are able to take care of the body, by the way. That’s all. Thank you.

[Without  patience] it’s like going the wrong way and banging your head on the door frame and then getting upset with that. You want to harm that door frame, without realizing you are in samsara.

With much love and prayers...